My boyfriend thinks I'm fat (3 Viewers)

[Not-That-Bright]

when i told my ex i get teary eyed at the end of that simpsons episode... where homer has pictures of magi all over his office making the words spell 'do it for her', she told me i was a wimp

seriously i think guys emmotions are supressed BY women lol
even with girls we're very close to we can't reveal any emmotion because if we do they (having been conditioned by society as we have) believe we are weak.

 

[kartie]

hahaha... maybe you do have a point there

maybe society has conditioned men to an extent, but i have to say, the 'emotional ones' are in a minority
for instance, a guy who understood emotion might have a reasonable idea as to the damage a comment like that could mke
especialyl in terms of a girl who isn't even fat

 

[ogmzergrush]

Maybe it's just me, but I always sort of assumed most people, regardless of gender, would realise that saying 'you are fat', isn't going to make anyone happy, regardless of whether it's a joke or not?

 

[kartie]

Maybe it's just me, but I always sort of assumed most people, regardless of gender, would realise that saying 'you are fat', isn't going to make anyone happy, regardless of whether it's a joke or not?

thankyou thankyou thankyou

 

[Not-That-Bright]

yea but don't u think 'dump him!' is a bit of a crazy nazi approach?
While i think it's morally wrong to go around calling people you 'love' bad names, i think the best way to solve it is by talking to each other about it.. =/

 

[kartie]

i never suggested dumping him
i agree that it needs talking
but if his family is also doing it.. sounds like its deeprooted.. talking might not help
but then it should always be tried

 

[[Paul]]

This thread is useless without pics

 

[Li0n]

yes, it is.

 

[Shuter]

Maybe it's just me, but I always sort of assumed most people, regardless of gender, would realise that saying 'you are fat', isn't going to make anyone happy, regardless of whether it's a joke or not?

Maybe some people need to lighten up. I don't think it's alwas harsh. Having one of my friends go "you're an idiot" or "you jerk" said as a joke I find quite funny.

 

[ogmzergrush]

Maybe some people need to lighten up. I don't think it's alwas harsh. Having one of my friends go "you're an idiot" or "you jerk" said as a joke I find quite funny.

I'd differentiate between comments based on physical appearance and intellect, because generally people (who I deal with at least) are a lot more self-assured about their mental capacity than they are about their body. From my dealings so far, it's far easier for someone to start thinking 'hmn, maybe I really am fat' than it is for them to go 'you know what, I really am an idiot! '.

Obviously it *could* be a joke, but it's not one that I'd find amusing, especially coming from someone who I was going out with. Maybe it'd even be different, as you said, if it was a friend saying it, but in the case we're discussing, it's not

The fact that the person is obviously upset by it and doesn't appreciate hearing it is probably also an indication as to how it isn't really that funny. Joking repeatedly, or even just commenting on, someone's size, when they're obviously not laughing it up, isn't a very good joke at all in my opinion, rather, it seems a bit insensitive and disrespectful, neither of which are good things (again in my opinion), in a relationship.

Also, lighten up? All I'm saying is that if someone's saying things like that and you don't appreciate it, then it's not on.

 

[im_anonymous]

i really appreciate the overwhelming bitchy support in this thread

so i had a talk with him; told him that i was kinda hurt by his comments in front of his family. He replied, that the only reason he says is because it's difficult for him to stand up to his parents and that half heartedly, me being 'fat' is a reflection on him of some sort -- wtf??

its not so much an 'either them or me' situation, not to that extent i think. i dont want to make him choose, but what else do i say to that? breaking up over something like this isnt worth it, especially as it's taken 2 years for them to accept that their son is going out with someone not asian. i honestly love the guy.. but farrk. ive laughed it off, but if it getting worse.

that thread about interracial relationships not working for some rings a huge bell..

 

[Not-That-Bright]

what so if he said to his parents 'i don't think she's fat' they'd disown him?

 

[ogmzergrush]

half heartedly, me being 'fat' is a reflection on him of some sort

huh? So he says it because he doesn't want to disagree with his family, but then says that you being fat reflects badly upon him? Those seem to contradict each other, like the family saying it are an excuse for him to say it.

Rather than making him choose, or anything as confrontational as that, maybe you could try reminding him as to why you're together, and tell him that you don't think you're fat. If he's unable to handle that, and has that severe a problem with people who are size 10, maybe he can start dating primary school children.

Another possibility is that maybe you could suggest to him that even if his family do think you're fat, he doesn't need to agree, and not saying anything at all is hardly 'going against' his family. If he's not willing to disagree with them, then he could maybe at least refrain from agreeing?

In the end though I think it would probably be (as close as it's going to get) to resolved if you just point out that you're happy how you are, and that you're certainly not going to change because of how his parents see you, and that that's something he's going to have to deal with.

(All just my opinion of course, may sound overly harsh, but I'm just calling it how I see it)

 

[veanz]

sometimes, even the easiest types of situations are difficult to say no to when youve grown up always listening to your parents - you are a product of your upbringing after all.

im not trying to defend this guy who thinks his gf's weight is a reflection of his masculinity, sheeeesh - but sometimes it helps to consider the other perspective - even if it is frustrating

 

[kartie]

i'm sorry, why is it even an issue for his parents?

 

[Not-That-Bright]

so you're saying that at only 18, in todays age... he should be prepared to just walk away from his parents and say 'screw u i love my girl of a year' or whatever?

although i think what the parents are doing is wrong.. the guys kinda in a hard position.

He should stand up for himself a little and say how pretty you are... but i think it's really fucked that he feels he is 'forced' to say bad things to you.... that's just wrong.

I'd give him a 'be nice to me or i leave' thing...it's not 'you or them' cuz seriously, do u wanna stay with him if he's gunan keep like this?

 

[jen23]

honey get rid of the loser. any boy who doesnt respect you for who you are is a drop kick and you shouldnt waste your time on. plus, 10-12 is not even close to fat!!! thats small, so tell him to go cram it. he should stick up for you in front of his family too, if he knows his family are making you uncomfortable then it is his job to talk to them and do something about making it stop.

 

[gronkboyslim]

if you tell him he has a small penis, hell just do ya in your butt.

 

[Not-That-Bright]

LMFAO! so true

 

[AsyLum]

this situation could be easily resolved with an eating disorder.

*claps*

No but seriously, who cares ?

If you dont think you're fat, then dont worry ?