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Lonely...........worth it? (1 Viewer)

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I always get that. I tried and tried make friends since i finished my HSC. I go out every week. I go to gym three times a week, go to shops in busy shopping centres and going for a drive and walk. It been two months and nothing had happened! I don't understand why i don't make friends in these times.

It get me depressed because i'm always bored and lonely. Most of time i go out by myself and about 10% of time i see my only best friend, Dylan. Yea i know you guys think im weird or whatever. I'm not tending into suicide for being lonely.

Only option is to hope for me is UNI. I hope it works to me for better, if not yea think hard enough people for stop being so agressively rude and rejecting me! Bloody ridicous!

Any thoughts?

Matt:monkey:
 

tommykins

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err have you tried talking to people whilst you're out ..
 

Darnie

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when you're out, just go up to peopel and be like, hi, i'm northriversmatt or whatever your name is lol and go from there
 

cogito.ergo.sum

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I'm inclined to agree it's not worth just going places. if you want to make friends you need to make the effort. at gym start a conversation with someone who seems nice (you already have one thing in common which is always a good thing). try talking to people -that's the best way to make friends and don't be too hard on yourself. be patient, sometimes these things take time. and as u mentioned uni will undoubtedly bring new friendship groups. :)
 
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Hey guys.

Of course i try to say hi and that from there. Things doesn't get a trigger afterwards. Sometimes from me doesn't go because they don't see me like i would ended up stalking them. I don't just pick a person randomly and start the trigger.

I don't know how these people know i have disabilities? I don't give out major public information about this! They are strangers to me. I do talk to people when they recognise me but after that it doesn't go ahead. It stopped and rejects me. I didn't do anything bad basically. I know what i'm saying and that. I'm not stupid enough about this.

Majorally sometimes i felt bad because i don't have a girlfriend. Hence why i'm lonely and bored. I'm not desperate for new friends and a girlfriend. I like it to happen. Its so slow to me, extremely. I don't know why.

Again hopefully uni helps, only an IF!
 

mcquinn

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Well maybe you should go down to any Dragons home game, at Oki Jubilee i think?, grab a GA ticket and find a seat next to some dragons fans around your age. By law, any fan of the same team as you is forced to befriend you and you can just chat about the game as it goes along and then about urself etc.

Footy games are one of the easiest places to make friends i rekon, so dw about ur disability or anything like that and just enjoy yaself
 
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Yea i know, social thing like going to sports area and stuff will help. But i live in Ballina where is far away from the games haha.

If i get into JCU Townsville, i will book a game up there between Dragons and Cowboys.:D

kirsty: I don't have conservation problems and i also have aspergers but nothing as bad as him. I have very minor symptoms thats all.
 
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Get out more with your friend Dylan and meet up with his friends; take it from there.
 
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kevinx2 said:
Get out more with your friend Dylan and meet up with his friends; take it from there.
Of course i do when he is free. He work alot because he is on traineeship.
 

Teclis

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Well removing "FUCK OFFF" from your sig might help a little bit...

No seriously...

There was a guy in the year below us who has Aspergers, and I also have a friend who has drug induced Schizophrenia. He's medicated so it doesn't affect him too much.

I don't have problems with either of these guys, but I do have a lot of friends who find them awkward. It's not just in what they say, it's about the subtlety of how they communicate. Body Language, tone and volume, the speed with which they speak, the topics they choose.

The guy with aspergers tended to rave on a bit, and make people awkward by finishing a conversation. He also tended to come up out of the blue and talk to you when you were doing something else or engaged in another conversation. The guy with Schizophrenia tends to be a little inappropriate and appears to want too much attention.

My suggestions would be this.

1) Try and exude happiness. Just smile at people, even if they don't smile back. People like people who are fun to be around.

2) Don't just sidle up to people. Be subtle about it. Wait in line at a coffee shop. Little conversation starters like "How you doin'" tend to flush out people who want to talk and don't. If the conversation ends with just "good", then they probably don't want to talk - so stop there. If they ask the question back, then a really out of the blue answer like "I'm actually pretty awesome" tend to peak peoples interests, and then it can go from there. There are all sorts of tricks to making people think that talking to you is a good idea.

3) Let other people do most of the talking. Ask them questions about them. People like to talk about themselves a bit... so ask them really general questions and let them carry the conversation. Good listeners tend to make good friends. But don't ask really personal questions. Because that will probably scare them off...

4) Be patient. People aren't going to be your friends straight away. If you manage to get to the point of discovering someones name, then that's a good first meeting. If you are interesting they'll remember you, and if you run into them again then you'll probably be able to make conversation.

5) Get a job, join a sports team, join a community group (get involved in a theatre company or something like that). It may not be for you, but I work as in Christian Ministry. Try finding yourself a Young Adults type Bible Study. You don't have to go to Church. And all a bible study really is is looking at a passage and talking about it. You don't have to agree, in fact you can completely oppose what's in the bible, most Christians won't mind. Try calling an Anglican or Baptist Church, as they usually have lots of mid-week Bible study groups going.

6) When you are meeting people think about things like body language. Are you being to open. Are you to close. Things like that.
 
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Well removing "FUCK OFFF" from your sig might help a little bit...

No seriously...


My suggestions would be this.

1) Try and exude happiness. Just smile at people, even if they don't smile back. People like people who are fun to be around.

Don't take this too literally... don't wonder around like :D all the time cause people will think you've gone cheese and crackers.

2) Don't just sidle up to people. Be subtle about it. Wait in line at a coffee shop. Little conversation starters like "How you doin'" tend to flush out people who want to talk and don't. If the conversation ends with just "good", then they probably don't want to talk - so stop there. If they ask the question back, then a really out of the blue answer like "I'm actually pretty awesome" tend to peak peoples interests, and then it can go from there. There are all sorts of tricks to making people think that talking to you is a good idea.

Ask open ended questions. People love to talk about themselves!

3) Let other people do most of the talking. Ask them questions about them. People like to talk about themselves a bit... so ask them really general questions and let them carry the conversation. Good listeners tend to make good friends. But don't ask really personal questions. Because that will probably scare them off...

Make sure you're engaged, nod, keep eye contact but not to an extreme. And hes right about personal questions, they come later in a friendship. Just keep to casual chat and common interests. Don't just be silent though, listen and give in put when necessary/needed/you can. But don't just ramble off anything that comes to mind, that might freak people out!

4) Be patient. People aren't going to be your friends straight away. If you manage to get to the point of discovering someones name, then that's a good first meeting. If you are interesting they'll remember you, and if you run into them again then you'll probably be able to make conversation.

No one wants a friend who has forced themselves upon them. Don't seem too overly eager, it'll turn people off. Btw, shouldn't names/introductions occur at the first part of meeting? Being "interesting" doesn't mean telling your life story either. Don't reveal everything straight away and people will want to talk to you again!

5) Get a job, join a sports team, join a community group (get involved in a theatre company or something like that). It may not be for you, but I work as in Christian Ministry. Try finding yourself a Young Adults type Bible Study. You don't have to go to Church. And all a bible study really is is looking at a passage and talking about it. You don't have to agree, in fact you can completely oppose what's in the bible, most Christians won't mind. Try calling an Anglican or Baptist Church, as they usually have lots of mid-week Bible study groups going.

Yeah, we have a young adults group at my church too and its just hanging out, chatting (about non church stuff too!) eating and just general getting to know each other and growing in life together. University will really open doors for you, you'll be in a course with a group of people who want to be there too as you obviously have the same interests. Uni also has heaps of groups and stuff to join.. Unis usually have a bar and other socialising areas too. MAKE USE OF THEM!

6) When you are meeting people think about things like body language. Are you being to open. Are you to close. Things like that.

Watch how other peoples body language. How do the position themselves when interacting with friends? Body language is a bigger communication art than people think. Watch how the people you're talking to move as well. Are their arms folded? Usually stand offish/shy. Are their arms just hanging at their sides? Usually means their open and confident to talk.
 

Wheelbarrows

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i'm not being at all rude here but how do you expect to get into uni matt?

i'm seriously not taking a hit at you or anything. just a question.
 

lyounamu

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Wheelbarrows said:
i'm not being at all rude here but how do you expect to get into uni matt?

i'm seriously not taking a hit at you or anything. just a question.
May be he meant TAFE.
 

Cookie182

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Check out some self-help books etc. People might laugh (the first thing you learn is to stop being externally referential and not give a shit), but a lot of it can be really good. Do you have confidence issues etc? Or are you an awkward conversationalist? I'd recommend searching for a copy of Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Great starter book on developing conversational skills and basically becoming a more likeable person.

If it's dating and girls specifically there is a mountain of material available. Websites such as "Askmen.com" are great places to start. Look up guys like David Deangelo, he has a lot of books on developing yourself, making yourself naturally more likeable and ways to meet and attract women. Personally, I think that getting a gf before you have friends will be very difficult (girls go for guys who have social status- which comes through friends), but if you were able to do it, that would bring a major confidence boost to your life and more friends would definitely pop up.

There only a few suggestions, Best of Luck!
 
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Wheelbarrows said:
i'm not being at all rude here but how do you expect to get into uni matt?

i'm seriously not taking a hit at you or anything. just a question.
Wait, what? Why wouldn't he get into uni?

Not denfensive, honestly wondering..
 
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Thanks for superb professional kind suggestions guys. I'm quite pleased about this!:D I felt like a movie character haha. Lets hope i try something that is really worth it.
 

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