Not-That-Bright
Andrew Quah
affairs aren't often very public things..
-
Looking for HSC notes and resources? Check out our Notes & Resources page
First Timers?? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter gooody gooody
- Start date
waterfowl
Member
The truth always finds a way of coming out...and it would be very hard for a family to hide that they were having problems due to one parent having an affair.Not-That-Bright said:
Not-That-Bright
Andrew Quah
yea... but affairs can happen for years and people never know.
waterfowl
Member
Unfortunately they can.Not-That-Bright said:
blue_chameleon
Shake the sauce bottle yo
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2003
- Messages
- 3,078
- Gender
- Male
- HSC
- 2003
Yeah, anyway this thread has come along way off topic, but then again I guess the original question posed at the start has been well and truly answered.
beccaxx
surprised things change
someone said waterfowl would hav a hard time finding a virgin. there are quite a lot out there 
and anyway, he only needs one doesnt he?
and my personal view is wait til ur married 4 ur first time, however i know that that isnt gonna happen for every1. it doesnt mean u discriminate against someone and automatically dismiss them from ever being a possibility cos i think alot of ppl who do hav sex regret it. thats a great reason 2 wait til ur married to hav sex. waiting til ur married shows that u truly love the person. i know i know, there are many ways of showing u truly love the person, so no i am soo not saying that waitin is the only way to go. however, waiting is a great form of showin u really r wanting to commit. and if ur gonna regret having sex with a certain person in the future... it would hav been better to wait.
i dunno if i am makin sense so here we go:
if u wait til ur married (and see marriage the traditionally intended way- for life) u wont get so hurt along the way. however ppl make mistakes and i dont think that crosses them out from ever havin a second chance.
i understand the comments about defacto, and in many respects the way the couple living for 18 yrs together did, they are wat marriage is. so i know they dont hav the certificate, and i dont know wat i really think of the concept of the "de facto" or watever, but good luck to whoever.
wats better??? to be sexing it up from age 15 to age 35 and then being divorced, and after 50, too old to be out sexing it up anymore...
or waiting those few extra yrs and being guaranteed sex all the days of ur life haha i know, u could die young or watever watever... but 2 bad to those of u who dont hav a sex life after 40 and know exactly wat ur missing out on.dont think ur gonna be so hot to all the ladies/men then !
i dont think waterfowl or i's own beliefs are gonna manipulate u to change urs, and i am not going to try. but i know for me, that my "first time" is gonna b with my hubby... and even if that means i wait another 10 yrs before i sex it up... it will be worth the wait.
and anyway, he only needs one doesnt he? and my personal view is wait til ur married 4 ur first time, however i know that that isnt gonna happen for every1. it doesnt mean u discriminate against someone and automatically dismiss them from ever being a possibility cos i think alot of ppl who do hav sex regret it. thats a great reason 2 wait til ur married to hav sex. waiting til ur married shows that u truly love the person. i know i know, there are many ways of showing u truly love the person, so no i am soo not saying that waitin is the only way to go. however, waiting is a great form of showin u really r wanting to commit. and if ur gonna regret having sex with a certain person in the future... it would hav been better to wait.
i dunno if i am makin sense so here we go:
if u wait til ur married (and see marriage the traditionally intended way- for life) u wont get so hurt along the way. however ppl make mistakes and i dont think that crosses them out from ever havin a second chance.
i understand the comments about defacto, and in many respects the way the couple living for 18 yrs together did, they are wat marriage is. so i know they dont hav the certificate, and i dont know wat i really think of the concept of the "de facto" or watever, but good luck to whoever.
wats better??? to be sexing it up from age 15 to age 35 and then being divorced, and after 50, too old to be out sexing it up anymore...
or waiting those few extra yrs and being guaranteed sex all the days of ur life
haha i know, u could die young or watever watever... but 2 bad to those of u who dont hav a sex life after 40 and know exactly wat ur missing out on.dont think ur gonna be so hot to all the ladies/men then !i dont think waterfowl or i's own beliefs are gonna manipulate u to change urs, and i am not going to try. but i know for me, that my "first time" is gonna b with my hubby... and even if that means i wait another 10 yrs before i sex it up... it will be worth the wait.
twiddla
Member
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2003
- Messages
- 238
I must agree with waterfowl - there is still a large majority of peope who show self control and have never had affairs.
Those of u who criticised waterfowl for showing some solidarity and saying that he could never marry someone who didn't share his beliefs. I would be similar. It is not only a matter of choice but also a matter of practicality. When your life is based around a set of values that you are unlikely to change then it will probably lead to arguments if you are with some one with a differing set of values. I personally am not saying that there aren't nice girls who aren't believers but when you put God first it is really difficult to establish such a close relationship with someone who doesn't!!
Those of u who criticised waterfowl for showing some solidarity and saying that he could never marry someone who didn't share his beliefs. I would be similar. It is not only a matter of choice but also a matter of practicality. When your life is based around a set of values that you are unlikely to change then it will probably lead to arguments if you are with some one with a differing set of values. I personally am not saying that there aren't nice girls who aren't believers but when you put God first it is really difficult to establish such a close relationship with someone who doesn't!!
PookieMonster
Got bored & left 30/01/05
yeah sex guys
His First Time
This guide is written for males and females from the female's point of view. It also assumes if you are female and he's told you it's going to be his first time (some men tell you afterward), you know that the two of you are not first-timers fumbling together. In the both-first-timers case I recommend strong egos, mutual respect and affection, and a great sense of humor. Theoretical knowledge also helps some. What follows is a list of guidelines the female should follow with the male to make the experience go as smoothly as possible. It is also written on the assumption that he is a virgin and you are experienced:
1. There is a socially prevalent notion that men make love and women are made love to, so an experienced woman with an inexperienced man is going to be gritting her teeth enduring his fumbling ineptitude. Actively counter this notion. Tell him the thought of his being a virgin makes it an especially delightful encounter for you. Tell him the thought of initiating him into the joys of lovemaking is very sexy for you. Strongly convey the notion that you expect to have a great sexual experience based on his attractiveness, his enjoyment, and your skill. Make him believe that he has no responsibility for "making this work" and can just enjoy it.
2. Take the initiative physically. You kiss him, don't wait for him to kiss you. You start undressing him. You make the move in the direction of the bedroom, etc. On the other hand, don't insist on the initiative if he takes it eagerly- be appreciative, encourage it, but don't go limp and assume he'll take it from here.
3. Tell him you find at least one thing about his body particularly attractive. Stay away from "You have beautiful eyes.", but almost anything else will do: Tell him you love men with hairy chests, or tell him he has a great ass, or tell him men with strong hands particularly turn you on, or tell him you love the way he smells, or tell him running your fingers through his hair is incredibly sensual, or... something specific, not just, "You've got a great body." or "You're so sexy." After you tell him this, show him- run your fingers through his hair, enjoy grabbing the sexy ass, etc. as appropriate.
4. Tell him you find at least one thing he does particularly attractive- again, it is the specific thing that is believed and appreciated. "I love the way you kiss." or "Yes, touch me exactly like that" beats the hell out of "You're a great lover."
5. He's going to be convinced he was either too fast or too slow- the chances of simultaneous orgasm after whatever the culture has led him to believe is the "proper" amount of time are just about nil. So be prepared ahead of time to convince him that this:
A isn't a problem and B happens to just about everybody. For "too fast" tell him the first time just takes the edge off and he (not you) will have more time to enjoy the next session of lovemaking- and meanwhile he has this wonderful opportunity (of unspecified length) to learn what pleases you while he's not so distracted. Assure him that you consider "not being too distracted while learning" an advantage in lovemaking. For "too slow" tell him you enjoy prolonged lovemaking- either it gives you a chance for more than one orgasm or it gives you a chance to enjoy the wonderful sensuality of post-orgasmic sex. If it's obvious that it's too slow for him, that he's not going to make it if he keeps at it for the next two hours, let him know that he gave you a wonderful time and that everybody's nervous the first time, he'll be more relaxed and ready to enjoy it in the morning. The important thing to remember is that you need to assure him just how wonderful the experience was for you.
6. Tell him you want to sleep with him again; don't assume he knows it- don't make him ask, you ask.
7. Be sure you are both open enough to talk about the experience afterwards, even if not right away. If it was wonderful for you both and you can sense this, be sure to talk about it. If it wasn't for either of you, talk about how to improve the experience so that the next time it can only get better. If you aren't able to talk openly about what happened, then in my opinion you were not ready for sex just yet in your relationship. Communication is the key!
Remember, this experience should be an extremely special and intimate time for both partners. This list does little to accurately describe how any one experience will or should go, but rather you should use it to come up with ideas of your own or use it as a vague set of guidelines when considering what to do and how to make it go the best. Good luck, and remember, the best companion to great lovemaking is love and the best vessel for love is communication.
Her First Time
Most women are naturally a bit afraid of their first time making love. There's a lot on the line, her virginity, which most likely she only wants to give to someone with whom she is deeply in love with. Will she do well? Will she satisfy her man? Will it hurt? These are all questions that go through the minds of virgin females. Of course, if you're here, and you are a virgin female that my be making love sometime soon, you're probably wondering, "What should I do to make my first vaginal sex experience easiest?" And if you're an experienced male who will be making love with a virgin female, you also could benefit from this guide by knowing how best to help her through this important and special time in her life. The best possible solution I can think of is the following list of guidelines:
1. Do it in a place where she feels safe, ideally in her own bedroom.
2. Do it at a secure time, when roommates/parents/friends/pets won't come barging in, a firedrill is unlikely, etc.
3. Simulate it in advance:
- Go almost all the way.
- Practice the thrusting motions of sex while fully clothed.
- Have her give you a handjob or blowjob so that she will know what your body does when you have an orgasm.
- Have a bright lights "show and tell" session, to allow you to feel secure around each other's naked bodies.
4. Plan it, but don't talk about it being planned, on the actual day that you do it.
5. Stretch the vagina out a lot with the fingers in advance. If she feels comfortable with the idea, she can even do this herself when you're not around.
6. Remember that this is her day: everything within reason should be done how she wants.
7. Spend the day with her beforehand; do something fun but generic. If you do something complicated, it will become "your" thing to do together forever, due to the association, so make sure it's something you can stand doing again on any potential anniversaries.
8. Have a special dinner before you "start."
- Nothing that can possibly upset the stomach.
- A moderate amount, even if you're nervous. You should both stay a little hungry and not feel bloated.
9. Use plenty of lubricant. I recommend K-Y jelly for the first few times. After that you may want to consider a slightly less slippery but spermicidal lubricant, several brands are available commercially.
10. Entry should be "missionary" style, this leaves the vagina as wide open as possible. Some women find that placing a pillow under their butts enhances this effect, others have said it doesn't matter.
11. If she can do it, she may be best off to do the actual entry herself, but many women would rather not. Just make sure this act is accomplished in a way that makes you both happy.
12. Take everything during the actual intercourse session as slowly as possible because you're trying to make this as easy as you can for her. Thrusting a big hard penis into her before she's ready or at too rapid a pace can really hurt her physically and emotionally. Try inserting it extremely slowly, go in as far as possible, and be sure to communicate with her during this whole process on at least some level. If it hurts, back off, and try again later. If insertion goes well begin lightly and slowly thrusting in and out, then decide what, if any, variety to add.
13. There's no point in getting it over with right away, since it will only hurt the next time, but there is also no need to draw it out. An appropriate time frame depends on your previous sexual activity with this person (oral/anal sex) and how well you already know each other and your bodies.
14. Take as much time as you need before putting it in. Only when the woman is really ready should this be done. I'd recommend asking verbally, and then interpreting that to see if she really means it's time.
15. Stay with her afterwards. Spend the night, at least. If possible, take her to do something spontaneous the next day. Discuss what happened if she wants to, many women won't want to until some later time.
16. Encourage her to talk to other women ahead of time to give her some idea of what to expect. The unknown means fear, fear leads to tension, tension leads to difficulty relaxing, and difficulty relaxing leads to pain.
17. A useful technique, for guys who can do this, is to keep the erection soft, at a sort of middling state, and then push the penis in with a finger. Then slowly let it harden. This will produce a stretching rather than a sudden opening of the vagina. If you can't do this, then at least go in slowly and gently, "getting it over with fast" is not likely to be better.
18. Be more or less "in love." This is something you can't just decide to do, but it can help to wait until you love each other. And from my point of view, making love is the only option, there isn't just "sex." Make sure you're sharing something, not just getting something for yourself.
Remember, this experience should be an extremely special and intimate time for both partners. This list does little to accurately describe how any one experience will or should go, but rather you should use it to come up with ideas of your own or use it as a vague set of guidelines when considering what to do and how to make it go the best. Good luck, and remember, the best companion to great lovemaking is love and the best vessel for love is communication.
His First Time
This guide is written for males and females from the female's point of view. It also assumes if you are female and he's told you it's going to be his first time (some men tell you afterward), you know that the two of you are not first-timers fumbling together. In the both-first-timers case I recommend strong egos, mutual respect and affection, and a great sense of humor. Theoretical knowledge also helps some. What follows is a list of guidelines the female should follow with the male to make the experience go as smoothly as possible. It is also written on the assumption that he is a virgin and you are experienced:
1. There is a socially prevalent notion that men make love and women are made love to, so an experienced woman with an inexperienced man is going to be gritting her teeth enduring his fumbling ineptitude. Actively counter this notion. Tell him the thought of his being a virgin makes it an especially delightful encounter for you. Tell him the thought of initiating him into the joys of lovemaking is very sexy for you. Strongly convey the notion that you expect to have a great sexual experience based on his attractiveness, his enjoyment, and your skill. Make him believe that he has no responsibility for "making this work" and can just enjoy it.
2. Take the initiative physically. You kiss him, don't wait for him to kiss you. You start undressing him. You make the move in the direction of the bedroom, etc. On the other hand, don't insist on the initiative if he takes it eagerly- be appreciative, encourage it, but don't go limp and assume he'll take it from here.
3. Tell him you find at least one thing about his body particularly attractive. Stay away from "You have beautiful eyes.", but almost anything else will do: Tell him you love men with hairy chests, or tell him he has a great ass, or tell him men with strong hands particularly turn you on, or tell him you love the way he smells, or tell him running your fingers through his hair is incredibly sensual, or... something specific, not just, "You've got a great body." or "You're so sexy." After you tell him this, show him- run your fingers through his hair, enjoy grabbing the sexy ass, etc. as appropriate.
4. Tell him you find at least one thing he does particularly attractive- again, it is the specific thing that is believed and appreciated. "I love the way you kiss." or "Yes, touch me exactly like that" beats the hell out of "You're a great lover."
5. He's going to be convinced he was either too fast or too slow- the chances of simultaneous orgasm after whatever the culture has led him to believe is the "proper" amount of time are just about nil. So be prepared ahead of time to convince him that this:
A isn't a problem and B happens to just about everybody. For "too fast" tell him the first time just takes the edge off and he (not you) will have more time to enjoy the next session of lovemaking- and meanwhile he has this wonderful opportunity (of unspecified length) to learn what pleases you while he's not so distracted. Assure him that you consider "not being too distracted while learning" an advantage in lovemaking. For "too slow" tell him you enjoy prolonged lovemaking- either it gives you a chance for more than one orgasm or it gives you a chance to enjoy the wonderful sensuality of post-orgasmic sex. If it's obvious that it's too slow for him, that he's not going to make it if he keeps at it for the next two hours, let him know that he gave you a wonderful time and that everybody's nervous the first time, he'll be more relaxed and ready to enjoy it in the morning. The important thing to remember is that you need to assure him just how wonderful the experience was for you.
6. Tell him you want to sleep with him again; don't assume he knows it- don't make him ask, you ask.
7. Be sure you are both open enough to talk about the experience afterwards, even if not right away. If it was wonderful for you both and you can sense this, be sure to talk about it. If it wasn't for either of you, talk about how to improve the experience so that the next time it can only get better. If you aren't able to talk openly about what happened, then in my opinion you were not ready for sex just yet in your relationship. Communication is the key!
Remember, this experience should be an extremely special and intimate time for both partners. This list does little to accurately describe how any one experience will or should go, but rather you should use it to come up with ideas of your own or use it as a vague set of guidelines when considering what to do and how to make it go the best. Good luck, and remember, the best companion to great lovemaking is love and the best vessel for love is communication.
Her First Time
Most women are naturally a bit afraid of their first time making love. There's a lot on the line, her virginity, which most likely she only wants to give to someone with whom she is deeply in love with. Will she do well? Will she satisfy her man? Will it hurt? These are all questions that go through the minds of virgin females. Of course, if you're here, and you are a virgin female that my be making love sometime soon, you're probably wondering, "What should I do to make my first vaginal sex experience easiest?" And if you're an experienced male who will be making love with a virgin female, you also could benefit from this guide by knowing how best to help her through this important and special time in her life. The best possible solution I can think of is the following list of guidelines:
1. Do it in a place where she feels safe, ideally in her own bedroom.
2. Do it at a secure time, when roommates/parents/friends/pets won't come barging in, a firedrill is unlikely, etc.
3. Simulate it in advance:
- Go almost all the way.
- Practice the thrusting motions of sex while fully clothed.
- Have her give you a handjob or blowjob so that she will know what your body does when you have an orgasm.
- Have a bright lights "show and tell" session, to allow you to feel secure around each other's naked bodies.
4. Plan it, but don't talk about it being planned, on the actual day that you do it.
5. Stretch the vagina out a lot with the fingers in advance. If she feels comfortable with the idea, she can even do this herself when you're not around.
6. Remember that this is her day: everything within reason should be done how she wants.
7. Spend the day with her beforehand; do something fun but generic. If you do something complicated, it will become "your" thing to do together forever, due to the association, so make sure it's something you can stand doing again on any potential anniversaries.
8. Have a special dinner before you "start."
- Nothing that can possibly upset the stomach.
- A moderate amount, even if you're nervous. You should both stay a little hungry and not feel bloated.
9. Use plenty of lubricant. I recommend K-Y jelly for the first few times. After that you may want to consider a slightly less slippery but spermicidal lubricant, several brands are available commercially.
10. Entry should be "missionary" style, this leaves the vagina as wide open as possible. Some women find that placing a pillow under their butts enhances this effect, others have said it doesn't matter.
11. If she can do it, she may be best off to do the actual entry herself, but many women would rather not. Just make sure this act is accomplished in a way that makes you both happy.
12. Take everything during the actual intercourse session as slowly as possible because you're trying to make this as easy as you can for her. Thrusting a big hard penis into her before she's ready or at too rapid a pace can really hurt her physically and emotionally. Try inserting it extremely slowly, go in as far as possible, and be sure to communicate with her during this whole process on at least some level. If it hurts, back off, and try again later. If insertion goes well begin lightly and slowly thrusting in and out, then decide what, if any, variety to add.
13. There's no point in getting it over with right away, since it will only hurt the next time, but there is also no need to draw it out. An appropriate time frame depends on your previous sexual activity with this person (oral/anal sex) and how well you already know each other and your bodies.
14. Take as much time as you need before putting it in. Only when the woman is really ready should this be done. I'd recommend asking verbally, and then interpreting that to see if she really means it's time.
15. Stay with her afterwards. Spend the night, at least. If possible, take her to do something spontaneous the next day. Discuss what happened if she wants to, many women won't want to until some later time.
16. Encourage her to talk to other women ahead of time to give her some idea of what to expect. The unknown means fear, fear leads to tension, tension leads to difficulty relaxing, and difficulty relaxing leads to pain.
17. A useful technique, for guys who can do this, is to keep the erection soft, at a sort of middling state, and then push the penis in with a finger. Then slowly let it harden. This will produce a stretching rather than a sudden opening of the vagina. If you can't do this, then at least go in slowly and gently, "getting it over with fast" is not likely to be better.
18. Be more or less "in love." This is something you can't just decide to do, but it can help to wait until you love each other. And from my point of view, making love is the only option, there isn't just "sex." Make sure you're sharing something, not just getting something for yourself.
Remember, this experience should be an extremely special and intimate time for both partners. This list does little to accurately describe how any one experience will or should go, but rather you should use it to come up with ideas of your own or use it as a vague set of guidelines when considering what to do and how to make it go the best. Good luck, and remember, the best companion to great lovemaking is love and the best vessel for love is communication.
boredbrunette
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2005
- Messages
- 2
Advice:
LUBRICANT! Say it with me, LUBRICANT!!!!!! No girl shud approach sex the 1st time without lube. Spread the word. No1 tells u about it. And don't stress! the more relaxed u r, the less its gona hurt. My 1st time didnt hurt at all, cuz i knew i was ready, in a serious relationship, wasnt bein pressured, felt comfortable and, the key ingredient: USED LUBE!
LUBRICANT! Say it with me, LUBRICANT!!!!!! No girl shud approach sex the 1st time without lube. Spread the word. No1 tells u about it. And don't stress! the more relaxed u r, the less its gona hurt. My 1st time didnt hurt at all, cuz i knew i was ready, in a serious relationship, wasnt bein pressured, felt comfortable and, the key ingredient: USED LUBE!
Dreamerish*~
Love Addict - Nakashima
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2005
- Messages
- 3,705
- Gender
- Female
- HSC
- 2005
Way to bump a dead thread.boredbrunette said:LUBRICANT! Say it with me, LUBRICANT!!!!!! No girl shud approach sex the 1st time without lube. Spread the word. No1 tells u about it. And don't stress! the more relaxed u r, the less its gona hurt. My 1st time didnt hurt at all, cuz i knew i was ready, in a serious relationship, wasnt bein pressured, felt comfortable and, the key ingredient: USED LUBE!
My boyfriend and I didn't use any lubricant when we first had sex, and there were no problems. I would never have lost my virginity if I wasn't relaxed or comfortable with it.
Lubricant is completely unnecessary.
MiuMiu
Somethin' special....
You can't just flat out say that lube is unnecessary....not matter how ready yo u feel of course some people are still going to feel nervous, and nervousness gets in the way of you getting wet.....so lube can help out a bit
ogmzergrush
LOL
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2004
- Messages
- 2,198
- Gender
- Male
- HSC
- 2002
With all due respect, I think you're mistaken. It's quite obvious that Dreamerish knows everything.Ms 12 said:
MaryJane
Extraordinary Machine
Hmmm... you know how in the other thread you said that every girl is different?Dreamerish*~ said:
I didnt use lube my first time, but I know people who did, and some that still do. I've experimented with lube, and it can be a fantastic edition to your sexcapades, especially when you're in the for the long haul
bubz :D
the last laugh
just the right amount can be a good thing it can also feel great for the guy if you put a little on him before sliding the condom on.
i used lube for my first time but i really dont think it helped much - it still hurt like hell!
foreplay = teh win <3
it can also feel great for the guy if you put a little on him before sliding the condom on.i used lube for my first time but i really dont think it helped much - it still hurt like hell!
foreplay = teh win <3
Katie123
Clinical is OVER
relax, take it easy .if he knows u are a virgin then he should know that you are new to everything like this and understand (and hopefully take it easy on you)
king_of_boredom
Snow.
wikiwiki said:
technically impossible, first post was only 13 months ago. i'd say she's had her first child.
Carita
^^^^^
I have a question for waterfowl if you see this...would you go out with a Christian girl who had lost her virginity before she became a Christian, i think i was reading a post you did a while ago in which you said you would hate to go to bed with your wife for the first time and know she was not a virgin, if you didnt say that, my mistake, but the question still stands...im just curious...thanks mate
king_of_boredom
Snow.
Egronk said:
jajajaja rofflemayyo.