BOS Showcase: 2009 Major Works (2 Viewers)

diametric

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I'm out of the feedback game for now. I've trials coming up this wednesday.

Yes. Two sets of trials. The wonders of my school. I'd still really appreciate anyone's feedback on my work, it's on the first page. I'll get back to you eventually (ie, after trials).

It's been one hectic ride. I hope we all do as well as we want to.
 

Clifford

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Not teen angst. But my work has been categorised as one of those overly-complicated-going-nowhere pieces... Its pretty much a dystopian story of the last two women of a dead matriarchal civilisation. Its also written backwards...

I've signed it off as a short story but it's more of a narrative-poem. (I needed the extra word length).

If anyone tries to read it, just realise its purposefully jarring at the beginning. Maybe read the RS before? But that might ruin it a bit... I don't know. I'm just glad its all over.

That was really fantastic. It wasn't jarring, and although the language was much less lucid than towards the end, it always seemd deliberate and not unengaging. That really was spectacular. It was such a complex subject (as evidenced by the INSANE amount of terminology in your reflection) but it never seemed convoluted or confusing when I was reading it. The whole thing seemed very natural. You were perfectly right in your reflection statement when you said you wanted to maintain the poetic aesthetic in your writing; you could absolutely tell.

I was also happy to see the Regina Spektor reference, because I was wondering during the whole hair cutting scene whether you were aware of the similarities. Also, that scene, I wrote down the day somewhere - yes, day 9, was really well done.

What really impressed me, having done the course too, was how all your research, the stuff you talked about in the reflection, didn't seem forced or over-stated. It all was very seamless.

I also wondered whether you were a chap or not the whole time, and it was good to see you were a male. This might be super-sexist or unfeminisit, but it sort of re-affirmed the whole feminisit-equality edge, in that none of the characters were portrayed negatively and there was no accusations against genders and things. Normally, I'm quite the anti ball busting reverse sexist feminism, but this really interested me.

Argh! It was really good! I'd reccomend people reading this thread to have a look at this one. It was rather ironic that the whole narrative was so... soothing almost, and all around me my family was bickering while I read it and people were walking in and out of the room, but I wasn't listening at all because I was riveted.

The whole canonical, 'male' way of writing seems like an interesting idea too. It was would been so rewarding/interesting to explore something so... fundamental to writing, you know, that challenges... I don't know, it was just fantastic, and I'm being way too effusive here, but it was brilliant.

What're you doing at uni?

I just forgot to mention, and in an effort to avoid appearing too swooning/uncritical, there was one bit that I thought was super-ridiculous. 'A few winters past Ana made a raft of strong reeds and palms. It was modelled upon old Matriarchal plans. It had a cabin for two' - I know she's meant to be logical and rational, but how the heck did she manage to make a 'cabin for two' with, what I can only suppose was an ensuite, dining hall and spa bath out of reeds and palms? I know I'm nitpicking, and it's a testament to how good the work was that despite thinking about this bit a while when it was written, I had completely forgotten about it by the end...
 
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Therewego

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This is brilliant. I was going to use today to get into post-trial study, but instead I'll post my major work up and spend all day here reading them. Brillig and the perfect way to spend my sunday.

Here it goes, I've only read Jess' so far, but mine's a bit... irreverent for extension 2.
Read your story; its clever and funny at the same time and I actually really enjoyed it.

Very well written; you don't do what a lot of others (myself included) do and try too hard to use "big words" - your command of language is impressive.

Oh and the illustrations are tops :) as is the fact that you state your reflection statement word count to be 1493 when its really 1540 or something...Might make my own lies seem more realistic...

ps; I like that you went post modern but not for the sake of going post modern; its clear that a huge amount of research went into your work as a whole.

I predict a very high mark :)
 

Clifford

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Thanks! Wow, it's so weird and flattering to have a stranger read and even moreso enjoy something.

God, the illustrations were awful, it was a such a joke being like 'they were deliberately bad... cough'.

Is it that bad with the RS wordcount? I guess they can't count it + the words 'reflection statement' put it down to 1530... and that makes, er, a great deal of difference.

Where's yours? I'll give it a whirl.
 

kurtyman

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hi there. my major work, "pathways to penance" is about the after effects of the holocaust. There is a strong focus on the survivors, and society as it struggled with returning to normalcy and what-not. theres a story on sylvia plath about how she wrote a piece of poetry "the thin people" and a story about Primo Levi, and his final hours before comitting suicide in 1987. then inbetween that there are 4 short-short stores, completely fictional made up characters. not the happiest read but yeah, hopefully you'll like it if you read it.
 

Asubmarine

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So, I promised feedback and here it is (at 2am in the morning, too! feel loved!!)

First of all, I think your word choice/language is phenomenal. There were a few images I read, where I went 'Damn, if only I could've put those words together..!' ('formless smother of midnight' for example...brilliant!).

There was an earnestness and simplicity (in the very best sense of the word) in your poetry that I liked. To be completely honest, I'm not really a fan of 'puzzle poetry' (ie, poetry where you have to make large assumptions to actually 'get' it), and when I skimmed through your work earlier I was worried that it would be too hard to try and deconstruct everything. But after reading the RS, everything fell into place. Your words felt...honest. And I like that- nobody enjoys pretentious poetry.

So overall, after marinading in the work, pondering it, letting it sit in my stomach, I found it to be quite excellent. Kind of trumped all confidence I had in getting a good mark, to be honest. Now I know the incredible standards. Good work, and you deserve the very best of marks :)
Thanks bud :) i'm flattered. Haha shit, especially considering the 2am post.

As I and other people have already said your work is of a high standard. It stands alone as a fine piece. I think you have a right to have confidence in it, both in it as poetry and in its ability to score you a great mark.
 

six demon bag

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I just realised I didn't post my refection statement too - it's not that good - twas a little rushed. I'll put them both in the same post to make it less annoying.

Feedback yo? I'm a bit worried about mine :|

Thanks to all who read :)
 

emmcyclopedia

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I'll start, shall I?

Title: The Tale of Shortbread Sophie and Kilometrico Kid or, There Are No Woods Around Here
Medium: Short story

*gulp*
Beautiful. Amazing!

Having read both your major work and reflection statement, I feel inspired. I have always loved English in general, creative writing especially. Over my preliminary and HSC years, however, a change has come over me which led me further towards my passion for maths and science. Reflecting back, I feel a slight sense of remorse. Reading your major work reminded me of the emotional journey one experiences upon creating and exploring an incredibly sculptured piece of writing. I just want to thank you for sharing this, and for re-igniting my love of creativity! I really must read for leisure more often...

All the best - I know you will get a fantastic mark =)
 

Charlessunstrum

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What're you doing at uni?

I just forgot to mention, and in an effort to avoid appearing too swooning/uncritical, there was one bit that I thought was super-ridiculous. 'A few winters past Ana made a raft of strong reeds and palms. It was modelled upon old Matriarchal plans. It had a cabin for two' - I know she's meant to be logical and rational, but how the heck did she manage to make a 'cabin for two' with, what I can only suppose was an ensuite, dining hall and spa bath out of reeds and palms? I know I'm nitpicking, and it's a testament to how good the work was that despite thinking about this bit a while when it was written, I had completely forgotten about it by the end...
haha an en suite, that's funny :) Nah, to be honest I didn't even notice how strange that sounds. In retrospect its odd that nobody else picked it up...

"the difference between reality and fiction? Fiction has to make sense." - tom clancy.

Thank you very much for your response. Its helped ease my nerves considerably.


I did read your MW. It was probably the most meaningful POMO short I'd read in a long while.
First and foremost you have game... and luckily, I think it turned out great -because you certainly went there with your irreverence (but I felt this worked in your favour).

There's a few parts I really liked:

“Firstly we got called over here because some idiot reported a feminist reading. Some bull about the footpath hardening to conform to the expectations of its status as a footpath, mirroring the shifting role of women upon marriage. Like I said, bull."

“Everyone who has the same context has the same values! Don’t deny it, you vilifying values vagabond!”

"A shiver of shrieks rattled through the gang. The man yelled, “It’s the Day of Revisioning!"

There isn't too much I can say on the constructive side of things... I think there was one insignificant typo towards the beginning but thats about it:

"The woman whose ridiculously long eyelashes were sucked into her nose when the breathed in. "


Oh, and you asked about uni... I went to all the open days yesterday and I'm still a little torn. I'm thinking law/arts at ANU or International studies at USYD. What about you?
 

six demon bag

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by thew way, diametric, i thought your's was fantastic - such a good opening! It had me from the beginning - really well written.

i keep going through old posts and i can't find your's accio.brain! but from comments i've read it sounds good! :)

this thread's intimidating me haha.
 
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qf_pilot

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Who else left their's to last minute?

Well I did, and I hate it. But I would like to hear feedback/criticisms.

Title: The Compulsion of Romanticism: A critical study into the prevalence of Romanticism in post-modernist literature, and how it has liberated literary thought".

Medium: Critical Response
 

Clifford

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ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFUC

I HATE TYPOS!

Damn! They're so impossible to keep out! I read that damned major work so many times, and it was so glaringly obvious! That was the copy (albiet with the slightest editing) that I sent in! Grr, such an idiot, there goes a mark.... actually, they might somehow think it's part of the nonsense... you know? Just, er having a laugh, making up words...

UTS Writing and Cultural studies, hopefully with international. I thought you might be doing the same, you know, writing and all. Do you write much outside of school? Strangely, I'm much more serious with my own writing.
 

marcquelle

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Who else left their's to last minute?

Well I did, and I hate it. But I would like to hear feedback/criticisms.

Title: The Compulsion of Romanticism: A critical study into the prevalence of Romanticism in post-modernist literature, and how it has liberated literary thought".

Medium: Critical Response
Hey i like this repsonse i only have a glimpsing knowledge of romanticism and this actually taught me about romanticism and see how it has influenced alot of our contemporary writing. I think this is a good piece even if it was rushed, you should go well with it.
 

Clifford

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Read Alex.Leon's. You've got great phrases and I love Allen Ginsburg too.
 
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diametric

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*Ginsberg

he's awesome. I used Howl as a related text for Powerplay in the HSC last yr.
 

marcquelle

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whats everyones favourite mw so far, mine has been Alex.leon's i love it, i've printed it out and pasted some of the phrases onto things lols its really good
 

Clifford

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Yes, 'Howl' is my favourite too, although I feel like I'm tarnishing it in some way by saying 'favourite' - such a gross label. That goes to your post too Marquelle!
 

Charlessunstrum

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ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFUC

I HATE TYPOS!
its not so bad. I sent you a message considering its a trifle off topic.


Also, where's the audio link to Marcquelle's MW.
 

alex.leon

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whats everyones favourite mw so far, mine has been Alex.leon's i love it, i've printed it out and pasted some of the phrases onto things lols its really good

WOW.

Stop it, I' m going to inadvertently get a big head. And then if I get a shit mark I will just die. (PS- marcquelle, what phrases??, and also, I know I never gave you 'proper' feedback but i LOVED your major. The amount of times I laughed out loud..!)

Love Ginsberg. Anyone read 'On the Road'? Kerouac is awesome :)
 

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