Ennaybur said:
Like I said, I'm not so adamant about not telling, I just a) don't think it's a necessary conversation to have (which is why i was surprised at so many people saying it was), and b) I'm just not the kind of person to kiss and tell. Of course some of my friends know things, but if some guy I was dating demanded I tell him everything that would just make me want to dump him for being .... idk I'd probably consider insecure.
It's true, the issue is probably more why they're asking than why you are hesitant to tell. If they're asking because it's a big deal to them, they're knobheads or fifteen year olds. If it's just in passing, or an I want to know more about you thing, I wouldn't see it as a big deal. Certainly wouldn't call it neccessary, although I can see it causing problems if one person does think it's important and the other refuses to come to the party on it.
Thinking about it some more now, I'm wondering how exactly the conversation would go. Listing people off is awfully lacking in class (as is the question framed as such), but then a number is obviously lacking in detail and:
(a) wouldn't really satisfy the purpose of the exercise (assuming it was to get to know more about your past), plus
(b) would place the entire focus on the most potentially "offensive" (for people that way inclined) part of the issue.
I guess the idea would be to explain the context surrounding each person, so there's slightly more depth to the discussion than recounting your scorecard. With that in mind, I think a far more appropriate way to ask in the first place would be to talk about old relationships (which is in itself another potentially 'hard' subject if both people aren't interested in full disclosure, or have different reasons for asking), leaving the "WHICH ONES DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH!?" to assumption.
Of course, if there's sex outside relationships things are less tidy, and I don't know how you get around that without hiding people or being overly specific. Maybe what I'm thinking is that "tell me about your previous relationship(s)" is all-round a more appropriate question in terms of offense caused as well as being relevant, while "how many people have you had sex with?" is altogether rude and largely pointless in the first place. Initially I didn't really make this distinction in my mind, as it's something I don't/wouldn't do (or contemplate discussing or asking about, should I change my mind). The relationships topic seems reasonable to me, whilst the other reads more like "so, do you sleep around much?" and has entirely different connotations.