Premeditated Cheating (1 Viewer)

[meshy]

If a girl or guy says something along the lines of

"I want you to be honest with me in this relationship - it would hurt me more if you didn't tell me you did something wrong, than if you told me - which is something that could be forgivable" (probably not in so little words, but this kinda impression), does this mean that in some small way the person who said it sort of expects you to do something wrong along the line?

Is it bad to taste the forbidden fruit that you want so much, because you know you will (most likely) be taken back by who you feel you truly want for the long-term anyway?

And what a lot of people have said before, that "cheating means you're unsatisfied with your current partner" - how about if you are satisfied with your current partner, but are going for the forbidden fruit due to lust, the excuse of youth, or novelty (e.g. an offer highly desirable in the short-term at least, that is unlikely to reappear again in your lifetime).

In social psychiatry I learnt that in the short-term we regret the things we do, but in the long-term we regret the things we didn't do. Keep that in mind when responding..

 

[lengstar]

so cheating is disatisfaction with your partner?

 

[meshy]

so cheating is disatisfaction with your partner?

Is that what you think? Or are you asking me?
I said I thought there were other reasons for cheating..

 

[neeja]

Is it bad to taste the forbidden fruit that you want so much, because you know you will (most likely) be taken back by who you feel you truly want for the long-term anyway?

cheating,
premeditated or otherwise,
has been discussed before

however in relation to the forbidden fruit, its hardly forbidden, you have access to the fruit and the repercussions of taking a bite of the fruit depends on the partner (as you may find from looking in the previous cheating thread).

but what would be best in my opinion, would be to combine the forbidden fruit with the long term relationship.

 

[ogmzergrush]

I somehow goofed up my previous attempt to reply to this and as a result my post vanished into the ether. Now I'll have another bash at it

Is it bad to taste the forbidden fruit that you want so much, because you know you will (most likely) be taken back by who you feel you truly want for the long-term anyway?

Personally I'd feel immensely guilty at attempting to take advantage of another person's capacity for forgiveness. This would amount to basically doing something I knew was wrong, simply because I was relatively certain I could get away with it. That just doesn't feel like cricket to me, and I value being happy that I've made morally sound judgements more than I value short term gratification.

On a less significant note I'd also be worried that seeing as forgiveness was only a possibility, rather than a certainty, that I'd be placing the relationship at risk.

The only way I'd do something like this (Ignoring my moral complaints about doing so) would be in the event that I was certain that I could live with the way things turned out in the event that my parter refused to forgive me for these actions. In this case though, I'd break up before doing anything in order to avoid unneeded pain for both of us.

... an offer highly desirable in the short-term at least, that is unlikely to reappear again in your lifetime).

I guess that's a question of priority, or more accurately whether or not you're interested in short term gratification or long term happiness.

Leaning towards the latter myself, in the event that I was tempted by such a highly desirable offer, which I knew was only a short term thing, I'd exercise restraint and avoid doing anything which would place the existing relationship at risk.

The entire thought of doing something to risk that sounds a little alien to me, so I hope I haven't missed the point. My apologies in advance if this is the case, although hopefully iv'e at least made clear why this may be the case.

Edit: Nothing like starting off with a typo, minor corrections.

 

[AsyLum]

Premeditated Cheating.

WTF is going on at society when we have this shit. What next? Premeditated divorce, with papers signed alongside those of marriage certificates "just in case" someone wants to step out ?

FFS.

 

[neo o]

MMmMmmMMmmM Forbidden Fruit

 

[neo o]

Premeditated Cheating.

WTF is going on at society when we have this shit. What next? Premeditated divorce, with papers signed alongside those of marriage certificates "just in case" someone wants to step out ?

FFS.

ie : a Pre Nuptial Agreement

 

[my sharona]

Premeditated Cheating.

WTF is going on at society when we have this shit. What next? Premeditated divorce, with papers signed alongside those of marriage certificates "just in case" someone wants to step out ?

FFS.

pre nups...
they're all the rage in hollywood, now and forever...

 

[meshy]

cheating,
premeditated or otherwise,
has been discussed before

however in relation to the forbidden fruit, its hardly forbidden, you have access to the fruit and the repercussions of taking a bite of the fruit depends on the partner (as you may find from looking in the previous cheating thread).

but what would be best in my opinion, would be to combine the forbidden fruit with the long term relationship.

true, but for most that option isn't on the table..

Personally I'd feel immensely guilty at attempting to take advantage of another person's capacity for forgiveness. This would amount to basically doing something I knew was wrong, simply because I was relatively certain I could get away with it. That just doesn't feel like cricket to me, and I value being happy that I've made morally sound judgements more than I value short term gratification.

Ahh good ol' sound morals.

On a less significant note I'd also be worried that seeing as forgiveness was only a possibility, rather than a certainty, that I'd be placing the relationship at risk.
The only way I'd do something like this (Ignoring my moral complaints about doing so) would be in the event that I was certain that I could live with the way things turned out in the event that my partner refused to forgive me for these actions. In this case though, I'd break up before doing anything in order to avoid unneeded pain for both of us.

Yeh, it would depend on forgiveness. Goes without saying that it's not worth losing a good relationship over, but if the possibility of forgiveness is a fairly strong one (see my 1st post)..

I guess that's a question of priority, or more accurately whether or not you're interested in short term gratification or long term happiness.

Leaning towards the latter myself, in the event that I was tempted by such a highly desirable offer, which I knew was only a short term thing, I'd exercise restraint and avoid doing anything which would place the existing relationship at risk.

The entire thought of doing something to risk that sounds a little alien to me, so I hope I haven't missed the point. My apologies in advance if this is the case, although hopefully iv'e at least made clear why this may be the case.

No, you've argued clearly, and it sounds good. It is a question of priority.

Premeditated Cheating.
WTF is going on at society when we have this shit. What next? Premeditated divorce, with papers signed alongside those of marriage certificates "just in case" someone wants to step out ?
FFS.

Relax - I just came up with that term (even though it probably already existed), instead of saying "cheating that's not just in the heat of the moment".

 

[baby_b]

i think its just more of a ... i dont want to get hurt by you and if your gonna do it try and do it i want to be hurt as least as possible and that im not gonna tolerate it if it happends

 

[Will_Sparky]

Your partner has told you, please taste the forbidden fruit. It's no longer forbidden!

 

[santaslayer]

And what a lot of people have said before, that "cheating means you're unsatisfied with your current partner" - how about if you are satisfied with your current partner, but are going for the forbidden fruit due to lust, the excuse of youth, or novelty

That would mean you are dissatisfied with your partner. You can't be satisfied with your partner if you are going for "forbidden fruit". Your partner is clearly not giving you something that the "forbidden fruit" is able to provide.

 

[meshy]

i think its just more of a ... i dont want to get hurt by you and if your gonna do it try and do it i want to be hurt as least as possible and that im not gonna tolerate it if it happends

but isn't the first post kinda saying that he/she WILL tolerate it? "I'd rather know the truth, than not knowing" (and not knowing would keep the relationship going for sure 100%).

Your partner has told you, please taste the forbidden fruit. It's no longer forbidden!

Haha is that seriously what you interpreted from it? Please go for it?

That would mean you are dissatisfied with your partner. You can't be satisfied with your partner if you are going for "forbidden fruit". Your partner is clearly not giving you something that the "forbidden fruit" is able to provide.

Haha while it's true the "FF" is giving you something your partner can't, that doesn't mean you're dissatisfied with your partner!
Maybe what's different with the new person is something you don't necessarily want in the original partner, just be something different/new/novel you want to try.. and may never get a chance in your life to try again..

 

[Will_Sparky]

Haha is that seriously what you interpreted from it? Please go for it?

No, but your being told, if you DO go for it, its fine, I'll take you back. I personally think whoever said this has self esteem issues! But thats just my opinon

 

[pc_wizz]

If a girl or guy says something along the lines of

"I want you to be honest with me in this relationship - it would hurt me more if you didn't tell me you did something wrong, than if you told me - which is something that could be forgivable" (probably not in so little words, but this kinda impression), does this mean that in some small way the person who said it sort of expects you to do something wrong along the line?

Is it bad to taste the forbidden fruit that you want so much, because you know you will (most likely) be taken back by who you feel you truly want for the long-term anyway?

And what a lot of people have said before, that "cheating means you're unsatisfied with your current partner" - how about if you are satisfied with your current partner, but are going for the forbidden fruit due to lust, the excuse of youth, or novelty (e.g. an offer highly desirable in the short-term at least, that is unlikely to reappear again in your lifetime).

In social psychiatry I learnt that in the short-term we regret the things we do, but in the long-term we regret the things we didn't do. Keep that in mind when responding..

thats exactly what my gf asked me when i asked her out, for 2HOURS we talked about faithfullness!!! ... my ass was numb ... >.< ... *sigh* ... but i dont want to cheat on her ... she is so sweet ... :uhhuh:

pcwizz

 

[yulia]

I could never cheat on my boyfriend. In general I think it's just wrong, and I would never, ever, want to hurt my boyfriend, especially not by cheating on him. I watch my friends go through boyfriend after boyfriend and various other randoms while with their boyfriends...I find it horrendous. I've never understood why they do it, I never understand how they can live with what they do. My conscience would eat me alive...I have fairly strong morals I guess...and I'm not good at hiding things...and well...I believe in complete honesty in a relationship. I would never want to risk what I have, I would never want to risk losing the person I am with...and I don't believe there will be anything or anyone who could tempt me to do otherwise...I'm certainly not tempted by lust. Even if I thought there was a possibility that he would forgive me, I couldn't inflict that kind of pain to him...that burden would always be there, no matter how much people say they can forget and move on I don't think either of us would forget and I would never forgive myself...I care too much about him to do anything as hurtful as that, even if I thought there was a chance we would stay together. Trust is very important to me and I wouldn't want to destroy that...without trust there is nothing. And yes, of course I would be completely honest, I would never try to hide anything...so luckily I'm never going to do anything I have to hide.
So whatever you wanna call it these days, I think it's wrong...and I certainly could never cheat on my boyfriend...

 

[meshy]

No, but your being told, if you DO go for it, its fine, I'll take you back. I personally think whoever said this has self esteem issues! But thats just my opinon

fair enough

 

[AsyLum]

cheating in any shape or form is fucked.

the end.

 

[yulia]

charming

....lol and damn you with your big spamming mouth mike!!