Past HSC exam responses - highly amusing (1 Viewer)

ez_19

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"Metaphors found in NSW Year 12 HSC English responses"
Enjoy =)

1. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a
pinhole in it.

2. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature prime English beef.

3. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

4. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

5. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

6. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

7. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

8. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.

9. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Sex in the City" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

10. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

11. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil.

12. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

13. Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

14. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

15. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

16. "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a Uni student on $1-a-beer night.

17. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

18. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

19. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

20. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword

21. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

22. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

23. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
 

BlindGuardian

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HAHAHAHA i agree....if that shits real...its farkn crazy
17. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
HAHAHAHAH OMFG!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

21. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
BWAHAH...ahhhh this shit killed me
 

ar5ena1

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Thats gold, almost as good as colins; " wh is weird. i know what kind of person sleeps with a corpse"
 

ar5ena1

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2 of them could be intelligent, the ducks, you can tell my the extensive and proper use of ","

and the vocab one is T.I 4 sure.
 
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ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

Oh my god this is absolutely hilarious!!! I'm laughing my head off!!! hahahahahahaha! I love the Ballerina and Uni Student one! hahahaha!
 

ez_19

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haha, glad u guys enoyed urself! theyre insanely amusing.. took my mind off the hsc last yr and this yr! i LOVE them i'm glad i could share them hehe :D

if they are real, then it would have been compiled anonymously by markers.. hehe id love to hear more if anyone knows any!
 

Stilla

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My English teacher read these out earlier this year, i loved them, especially the one ripped from Douglas Adams.
 

Cactus

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ez_19 said:
"Metaphors found in NSW Year 12 HSC English responses"
Enjoy =)
most of these are similies
 

bubz :D

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though i'm pretty sure they weren't actually used in the HSC, i still laugh my head off every time i read these :p
 

MissSavage29

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I had these ones from a while back - past answers from i have no idea where but they r pretty funny;

1. ancient egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. THey lived in teh Sarah dessert adn the climate of the sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere

2. moses led the hebrew slaves to the red sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached canada

3. solomon had 3 hundred wives adn 7 hundred porcupines

4. the greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we woudn't have history. THe greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth

5. Actually, Homer was not written by HOmer but by another man of the same name

6. Socrates was a famous greek teacher who went around giving people advice. THey killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline

7. eventually the romans conquered the Greeks. history call people romans because they never stayed in one place for long

8. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The ides of march murdered him because they thought he was goign to be made king. Dying he gasped out: 'Tee hee, Brutus's'


9. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna carter provided that no man should be hanged twice for one offense

10. another story was william tell who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his sons head

11. Queen Elizabeth was the 'virgin queen'. As a queen she was a great success, when she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted 'hurrah'

12. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the removable type adn the bible. Another improtant invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the wordl with a 100 foot clipper

13. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is only famous because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are examples of a heroic copulet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet

14. Writing in the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise lost. Then his wife died and he wrote paridise regained

15. John Bach wrote a great many musical compostions adn had a larege number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept in his attic. Back dided from 1750 to the present. Bach was teh most famous composer in teh world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, and Half Italin and Half englihsh. He was very large

16. Beethoven wrote music thorugh he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forrest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this


17. The 19th C was a time of great many thoughts and inventions. people stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by marchine. the invention of the steam boat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

18. THe first world war, cause by assignation of the arch-duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human hisotry
 

BlindGuardian

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somehow i fail to believe that they're actual responses...unless the people were stoned or very stupid....or both
amusing non-the-less
 

bak0r

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BlindGuardian said:
somehow i fail to believe that they're actual responses...unless the people were stoned or very stupid....or both
amusing non-the-less
lol i have seen a stoned persons exam...

he was talking about dinosaur footprints in a science exam about electricity stuff...
 

jumb

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MissSavage29 said:
13. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday.
Lol.

bak0r: scan it for us!
 

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