could some1 please look at my creative story? (1 Viewer)

[foxster]

Hey,
Was wondering if people with enough time could please look at my creative story, still in draft mode, and hey, if you want to, leach some ideas from it!

Thanks a lot, and please post/pm/email (bearwonks@hotmail.com) with any ideas/comments/criticisms etc

Thanks!

 

[fornstar]

hey i read it

sounds interesting

didnt like the start, with the seven yrs thing and stuff

 

[wanton-wonton]

Someone every year. Some event every year. To me around me. Every year, for the last seven years, I have been faced with ultimate trials, a curse.

I don't quite get that, but I think it'd be better if you changed it to

Someone, some event, every year for the past seven years, I have been faced with ultimate trials, a curse as I would like to call it.

Some of your sentences aren't complete, they're not sentences.

Did not complete homework. Did not go to church. Had bad thoughts.

Who is HE? Your teacher? I think it'd be a good idea to introduce this 'him' first.

No, that was nullified by the next test that he collected and a failed.

Who is this oldest sibling in the family? You? It hasn't been made too clear

I hate it so much, the oldest sibling in the family, the only male child, with two younger sisters.


What is the question of this creative writing task? Overall, your sentences don't seem too complete.

 

[velox]

Hmm try to avoid sentences like that. It confuses the reader, and while it may seem cool to write ur mind, if it doesn't make sense to the reader, you're in trouble. Try to reword it into 2 sentences or break it up somehow.

EDIT: I see ur from Knox. Ill read over ur story tomorrow night and highlight errors of concern (from my p.o.v).

 

[foxster]

thanks for the comments---how do u know im from knox? thnx for looking at it
if u want to send it to me or anything, my email is bearwonks@hotmail.com

cheers

 

[kimmeh]

In my opinion, preparing an essay for creative writing isnt the way to go. I think the best thing is to have a few ideas in your head as to of what you are going to write, and then render them to the question, because if you prepare and essay, then you tend to stick to it and you mind concentrates only on regurgitating the story, without taking into acount the question. Though, it is possible, and it works for alot of people, its just a little dangerous.
I have read it for you, a few tips:
+Dont write about teen angst/hsc problems - the markers dont want to hear about your problems, even though they fictious
+The "journey" aspect of your creative piece isnt obviuos: the creative writing will always invovle the journey in all aspects
+Some sentences dont make sense (as wanton wonton pointed out). Read the piece aloud out to yourself.