Comments/Advice for Imaginative Journeys Essay (1 Viewer)

LostAuzzie

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This is the Essay I wrote for the trials, it got 12. Could I get some advice and comments on it:

The imaginative journey is one in which we escape our own reality and are invited to acknowledge a new reality within our own imagination. Some aspects of such a journey are realistic and possible while others are fantasy and could only occur in the imagination. The imaginative journey offers a chance for change and discovery offering insight into past, present and future. The texts we read and the images we see represent the ides of what is realistic and what is imaginative about their journeys in their own ways. The poems of Coleridge use the style of romantic poetry of the time they were written. The book cover of The Ivory Trail offers an artistic representation of the journey with images superimposed for added effect. The movie The Butterfly Effect co-directed by Eric Bress and J. Mackye Grubber is based on the chaos theory in which every little occurrence leads to a bigger event. The TV Show Lost follows the lives of fourteen survivors of a plane crash placed in unrealistic circumstances on a strange island. In each of these there are realities and possibilities along with those unrealistic.

The poems of Coleridge were written in the Romantic period and thus, they have elements of nature imagery throughout. “This Lime-tree Bower My Prison” is a poem in which Coleridge takes an imaginative journey to be with his friends on their Journey. It is unrealistic for him to go on the journey but through the imagination anything is possible. In his journey he learns that “Nature ne’er deserts the wise and pure”, nature will always be for those ho seek it. He starts off with a negative view of his situation, “This Lime-tree Bower My Prison”, metaphorically describing it like a prison. As he takes the journey his opinion changes to a more positive one and he finally learns the lesson that he can still appreciate nature in his current situation. “Frost at Midnight” is one in which Coleridge reflects on his past and resolves to make his son’s future better than his own “Thou my babe, Shalt wander like a breeze by lakes and sandy shores” using the simile of his son wandering like a breeze for added effect. Travelling back to his past is not physically possible but reflecting upon it is.

The book cover The Ivory Trail by Victor Kelleher shows a journey which is realistic and possible. The positioning of the images is important as the head down the bottom, with eyes gazing is indicative of the imaginative journey. The other images are placed above indicating that the eyes are gazing towards them and that this journey is possibly one of the mind. The text at the top of the cover “Not all journeys have an ending” is important to the imaginative journey, as an important idea in the imaginative journey is that there are no limits to the imagination and anything is possible. However, this statement is unrealistic as it is generally believed that all journeys must end somewhere with an arrival at the end. It is possible that this statement is simply referring to the continuity and limitlessness of the imagination

The Butterfly Effect, based on the chaos theory, offers a very unrealistic interpretation of the journey. The idea of travelling back in time is impossible in real life. However the idea of changing your future, through the present, is possible and a reality. The imaginative journey is represented by a blurring of the image on screen, a flash of light and the audience is in the main character, Evan’s, past. Through taking these Journeys the character eventually learns that he must die for things to be ‘right’ He has “no soul, no lifeline” he was “never meant to be” This idea is also unrealistic as every human existence was meant to be in existence.
The TV Show Lost takes its viewers on an imaginative journey complete with polar bears, wild boars and a secret revealed piece by piece. These circumstances are unrealistic in real life but through the imagination they are possible. It is an imaginative journey for the characters as they reflect upon their past as well as the plane crash they survived. In one particular episode, one of the characters, Locke, is reflecting on an experience with a woman claiming to be his mother. This leads onto the dream sequence in which Locke sees a plane crash, and this woman pointing in its direction. Locke sees this as his sign and travels in the direction to eventually find the plane. A previous quote of his “Impossible is a relative term…especially on this island” is central to the imaginative journey in which anything is possible.

The imaginative journey is an escape from reality which offers change, discovery and lessons for ones future. It involves realities and possibilities but as anything is possible in the imagination, many of the circumstances are unrealistic.
 

nwatts

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1. Too long on introduction. You don't get marks for introducing texts.
2. You don't synthesise between texts at all. I have no idea why you got 12
3. No where near enough detail into the texts you've outlined.
4. The essay is no where near long enough.

I would have given you 8.

Study the texts in more detail - reread Coleridge's poems, watch Lost/Butterfly Effect again - and find things in the texts which link them together. Common concepts/themes, common things they have to say about the journey. There is no synthesis in your essay at all, which is required for an A-range response. And, on top of it all, you need to be writing a *lot* more in 40mins. Practice essays at home in 40mins (without using the computer) and get your teacher to mark them. At this stage, it's pretty pointless to be practicing in more than that.

Try and find a response that you know has got full marks (from a friend, or from the BOS Area of Study 2004 essay book thingo) and compare it to yours in order to specifically realise which areas you need to improve in. Unfortunately I do Inner Journeys, so I can't give you any of mine.
 

rnitya_25

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your conclusion is too short, be more elaborative(if that's a word) at the end and make a more strong point that assures the marker that you know what you're on about. you're way too consice in your essay. you need to elaborate on each text alot more, i.e. write faster and write alot. give more examples. relate the texts to each other but never relate through techniques. that's all i can think of now
 

LostAuzzie

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Wouldnt Inner and Imaginative Journeys be similar in how you would write an essay on them?
And also how much exactly, words wise, should I be writing in 40mins because that was 818 words.
 

rnitya_25

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im not sure about how many words you should be writing because that all depends on your style of writing, as in how big you write and how much handwriting you can fit onto an exam booklet page. exam book wise, in 40 minutes, you should be able to write approx. 6 pages.
 

Sweets

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I think the thing which is most missing is an understanding of the imaginative journey and hammering that throughout the essay. The intro needs some work too.

Your intro should begin with a nice broad general statement. Imaginative journeys are sights of speculation about present and possible futures which can lead to the formation of new discriminations of the world we inhabit.
Next bit- focus on the question- for instance for the CSSA trial you might have written something like- They are often marked by various possibilities and realities, and the manifestation of these is often a reflection of our own humanity. Then go on to introduce your texts-ie this is displayed in Shakespeare's The Tempest through yadyayda. and maybe introduce your Stimulus material. I don't introduce my related because I dont like to and my teacher said you don't have to.

Your essay seems rather descriptive as opposed to analytical. Every paragraph should enhance your essay and broaden the argument and your related material should also be of this affect. You didn't quote in a meaningful way, there is no way you can get a 13-15 with that. Remember topic sentences.

I think the thing which stands out to me most is your treatment of the imaginative journey. It comes across as too simplistic. The imaginative journey is not just about imagining. You don't address the positive and negative implications of the journey on the individual ie it can broaden our humanity if we can apply what we learn from it into our corporeal reality, linking to this point is probably the idea that the way in which the imaginative journey arises is a product of our physical and mental state- that might be an effective way to discuss lost. You could use the island as a metaphor and catylst for the journey (kinda of like the Tempest). Then conversely you may discuss how the possibilties and realities of the imaginative journey can diminish our humanity if we become consumed with it.

Thats just my opinion though. I haven't studied your texts so i couldn't give specific feedback.

Goodluck :)
 

LostAuzzie

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Well thanks everyone for your help and advice, ill keep it in mind when I do my next practice essay next friday (Im working to a timetable so I dont get sidetracked).
 

nwatts

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Sweets said:
Your intro should begin with a nice broad general statement.
No it should not. Your intro begins with your specific thesis/thread - and you'll find yourself getting higher marks with more complex (ie, less 'broad') statements as your thesis.

Apart from that, I agree with the rest of what you said. :p
 

nwatts

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LostAuzzie said:
Wouldnt Inner and Imaginative Journeys be similar in how you would write an essay on them?
And also how much exactly, words wise, should I be writing in 40mins because that was 818 words.
Words are not the issue. It's the amount of detail. I've seen very small (as in word-length) responses that have scored very high marks, purely because they're packed with an incredible amount of detail and have had a strong argument to link between.

Your essay does not have the detail, so it appears very short to read. You want your marker to come away knowing that you know a LOT, which you haven't done.
 

Sweets

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nwatts said:
No it should not. Your intro begins with your specific thesis/thread - and you'll find yourself getting higher marks with more complex (ie, less 'broad') statements as your thesis.

Apart from that, I agree with the rest of what you said. :p
I'm a believer in the good old GTP (General Statement, Thesis, Preview) :) Everyone has different ways of doing things, my teacher a senior marker said that is the most effective because it just flows and ur ideas dont get mixed up.
 

SmileyCam

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yes, ur analysis of Coleridge poems is sh*t to say the least, there's like one technique that you've mentioned, it is extremely odd, and the same goes for The Ivory Trail, our teacher has told us we need like 6-7 techniques per text AT LEAST

My main advice is to cut one of your related texts (only need to write about one) and replace it with copious amounts of techniques in your other texts

and too much What, not enough How
 

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