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[CLOSED] *FREE* FEEDBACK ON YOUR ENGLISH PARAGRAPHS FROM A BAND 6 STUDENT (1 Viewer)

easyAessay

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Not accepting submissions via this thread anymore due to a recent influx in my PMs in particular. I really enjoy checking out your writing, though, so check out my new thread, which offers marking with value for money. https://community.boredofstudies.or...rds-1st-remark-50-off-2nd-remark-free.395311/

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HSC all-rounder (including Band 6 in English (Advanced)) med student is bored (of studies ha ha) and wants to spend the lockdown roasting your not-so-hard work.

Not getting specific, targeted feedback from your teachers? Send me your writing (one ~250-word paragraph per person, please) and get free detailed (~ and possibly spicy ~) feedback from a reputed critic! ;) All writing from all year levels of English (except Year 12 Extension 1 and 2) is accepted!
 
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DarkOperator618

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Curious incident, Standard

How does Haddon represent an unique individual to expand the reader’s perspective on human behaviour?

Mark Haddon’s text ‘The Curious Incident of the Dog in the nighttime’ effectively represents a unique individual through the lens of the protagonist diagnosed with Aspergers in order to encourage the audience to understand and empathise with his condition and its relation to human behaviour. Through the key themes of the Nature of Difference, the Need for Stability and the Complexity of Human Interaction, Haddon extensively explores this unique individual who views the world differently to expand the reader’s perspective on human behaviour.




Haddon explores the nature of difference through Christopher’s positive traits such as his conflict with himself in order to expand the reader’s perspective on human behaviour. This is initially seen through Christopher’s statement that ‘Prime numbers are what is left when you have taken all the patterns away. I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them.’ This example symbolises Christopher’s thought process through his attempts at applying logical thinking to life and his paradoxical character which is both illogical and logical, depending on the context. This is a notable example of the Nature of Difference as Chirstopher intends for stability through logic and factuality, due to his aspergers condition, making him socially awkward in social situations, as well as expanding the reader’s perspective on human behaviour. Furthermore, through ‘My name is a metaphor. It means carrying Christ ...it was a name given to St Christopher because he carried Jesus Christ across a river. Mother used to say that it meant Christopher was a nice name because it was a story about being kind and helpful, but I do not want my name to mean a story about being kind and helpful. I want my name to mean me.’ this statement depicts Christopher’s atypical narrative voice. His biblical allusion suggests that he dislikes the idea of his name being characterised as a metaphor, reflecting his need for individuality. This is another example of the Nature of Difference as normal people wouldn’t display much care to the etymology behind their name generally, but Christopher is an anomaly in this situation, showing Haddon’s attempt to expand the reader’s perspective on human behaviour through this situation. Finally, through ‘But most people are lazy. They never look at everything. They do what is called glancing which is the same word for bumping off something carrying on in the same direction [...] But if I am standing in a field in the countryside I notice everything.’ where the truncated sentences point out his opinions on other people’s interactions with their surroundings, compared to that of himself. His pedantic nature is emphasised here and reflects a desire for a specific understanding of the environment, thus showing his difference from the rest of society due to this condition. As a result, this expands the reader’s perspective on human behaviour, due to Christopher’s Asperger’s condition influencing his everyday activities. Thus, Haddon explores the nature of difference through Christopher’s positive traits such as his conflict with himself in order to expand the reader’s perspective on human behaviour.





Another aspect of the nature of difference can be seen through Christopher’s need for stability, also reflected through his s conflict with self. Haddon explores the idea of Christopher’s factual thought processes, his need for truth and his solving of maths equations in his head… in order to make sense of his world. This is seen in ‘Its eyes were closed. It looked as if it was running on its side, the way dogs run when they think they are chasing a cat in a dream. But the dog was not running or asleep. The dog was dead.’ where Haddon’s use of truncated sentences emphasises the impactfulness of the dead dog. The atypical narrative voice portrayed by Christopher presents the events involving the dog from a factual perspective, instead of an emotional one, expanding the reader’s perspective on human behaviour due to this reason. Furthermore, through ‘Also Doctor Watson says about Sherlock Holmes...his mind… was busy in endeavouring to frame some scheme into which all of these strange and apparently disconnected episodes could be fitted’ And that is what I am trying to do by writing this book.’ This shows Christopher’s need for stability by Haddon’s use of intertextuality to Arthur Conan Doyle’s ‘Sherlock Holmes’, encouraging him to ‘write this book’. Additionally, this relates to the hybridization of the novel’s genre, as Christopher intended to write a murder mystery novel, but instead wrote a bildungsroman (coming of age) novel. Finally, through ‘And when I was asleep I had one of my favourite dreams… And in the dream nearly everyone on the earth is dead, because they have caught a virus…And eventually there is no one left in the world except people who don’t look at other people’s faces and who don’t know what these pictures mean’ the use of internal focalisation into Christopher’s dreams show his need for stability, due to his dream depicting having a ‘perfect life’ where a virus wipes out the world population, leaving him alone, showing and expanding the reader’s perspective on human behaviour. Finally, the need for stability shows another aspect of the nature of difference, which is reflected through his conflict with himself.




The complexity of human interaction is explored through Christopher’s conflict with others in order to reflect his social awkwardness that creates misunderstandings and hostility from others. This is especially evident in ‘I felt giddy. It was like the room was swinging from side to side, as if it was at the top of a really tall building and the building was swinging backwards and forwards in a strong wind.’ This use of the depressive tone shows that Christopher is disappointed with this father and doesn’t trust him anymore, he believes that lies have destroyed their relationship due to his preoccupation with the truth. In his life, it is immensely more important for Christopher to have a good relationship with his father, especially considering his Aspergers condition. This fracture of trust between the two also reflects his social awkwardness, which creates misunderstandings between Christopher’s father and himself. Furthermore, this is also seen in “And the man said, ‘single or return? And I said, ‘What does single or return mean?’ And he said, ‘Do you want to go one way, or do you want to go and come back?’And I said, ‘I want to stay when I get there’. And he said, ‘For how long?’ And I said, ‘Until I go to university.’
And he said, ‘Single, then’...” In this example, it is clear that Christopher struggles to converse with the ticket inspector, indicating his clear weaknesses in social situations, such as this example mentioned earlier. Finally, through ‘And she said, "Are you telling the truth, Christopher?" And then I said, "I always tell the truth." And she said, "I know you do, Christopher. But sometimes we get sad about things and we don't like to tell other people that we are sad about them."’ where the atypical narrative voice portrays Christopher as dogmatic, repetitive and naive, showing his lack of understanding of normal human emotions and instead perceives his environment as ‘factual’. This is reflected through his Aspergers condition, due to his lack of understanding social cues, resulting in him struggling immensely with the mundane idea of human interaction, thus resting misunderstandings and hostility from others. Thus, the complexity of human interaction is explored through Christopher’s conflict with others in order to reflect his social awkwardness that creates misunderstandings and hostility from others.


Ultimately, Haddon’s novel ‘The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime’, effectively represents a unique individual through the lens of the protagonist diagnosed with Aspergers in order to encourage the audience to understand and empathise with his condition and its relation to human behaviour. This is especially amplified with the key themes of the Nature of Difference, the Need for Stability and the Complexity of Human iNteraction. Thus, Haddon’s novel effectively represents a unique individual through the lens of the protagonist diagnosed with Aspergers in order to encourage the audience to understand and empathise with his condition and its relation to human behaviour.
 

easyAessay

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I'm commenting on one paragraph at a time. Please bear with me :)
The universal struggle for between finding personal autonomy identity inbalancing and conforming to societal attitudes with personal autonomy is represented through The Crucible's exploration of how a religious hegemony can impinge on an individuals''s moral integrity. Miller’s heroistic moral integrity is represented symbolises moral integrity through the alienated autocratic theocracy of Salem, which exploits John Proctor’s fatal flaw of needing to protect his reputation. As the archetypal tragic hero, Proctor's hamartia of moral integrity hmm...slightly contradictory - you just said his fatal flaw is needing to protect his reputation, but now you're talking about his moral integrity? See more in general comments is epitomised in Act II where he ironically exclaims that “...every moment (I’m he is) judged for lies” and corresponds with awkward wording here - not sure what you mean - try different expression “...speaks deceit...and I am honest” in Act II. This portrays society's conflict with Proctor‘s personal autonomy as Miller values morality constructed by self-determinism rather than one socially constructed and shared. Furthermore, the irresolution I don't think I understand your use of this word here - you're saying that Proctor's death is uncertain, which was foreshadowed by the girls crying out in great relief? in Proctor’s tragic death is foreshadowed in by the stage Betty crying out "in great relief", directions: “they cry out in great relief” I could be wrong, but where did you find this quote? which glorifies empowering her Abigail and the other girls by empowering them with a voice. This suggests that morality cannot prevail in the puritan society, or morality it will be subsumed suppressed by conformity due to man’s vulnerability to collective values. <-- I really like this sentence! This is explicitly reinforced by Miller's narration, where Elizabeth's states imperative tone in saying, “Let none be your judge. There can be no higher judge under heaven than Proctor,which opposesing the state’s collective encounter in judgement of Proctor’s identity, and conscience. In synthesis with tThe play’s revelatory conclusion of Elizabeth bathed in the pathetic fallacy of in “light of the new sun”, portraysing the martyred nature of Proctor’s death and how morality is easily influenced by...? as his death sheds light on enlightens the audience about the inevitability of conscience’s death. The singular moral compass of the play is accentuated with anachronistic could you be a bit more clear about why you're using the word here? It might be a good opportunity to mention some brief context clarity where Proctor’s words echo truth through pathos in “Now hell and heaven grapple on our backs and our old pretense is ripped away…”, conveying that he is taking charge of his ‘name’ Is this a quote from the play? as his conscience becomes his rebellion. The heightened modality of his phrases, pinpoints the issues that proliferate the absurd injustices in the theocratic puritan society to identify how the individual autonomy is encroached upon by external collective thought. Hence, Miller powerfully portrays the inherent struggle of maintaining to maintain authentic human experiences as individual autonomy is often compromised in communities where peace is maintained by collective thought.
Strengths:
- You have used some great vocab here - really like your use of words like "anachronistic" and contextual words like "theocracy" and "puritan"
- You have a well-sustained argument that consistently addresses your very solid topic sentence and conclusion sentence - it's cohesive
- I notice a decent understanding of the play here through your analysis and choice of quotes and techniques

Opportunities to improve:
- I have made as many changes to your expression as I could find, but I highly recommend you use them as a starting point to identify other places where you might be able to cut down words
- I think the reason your paragraph is too long is because you have repeated your point in multiple sentences rather than progressed your argument. A good body paragraph should start off with your main point (topic sentence), then each point after that needs to build on the analysis rather than repeating. My suggestion is to remove a couple of sentences here and there (e.g. the part where Elizabeth reinforces society's opposition of individuality, which basically repeats the first main point where the example of irony was used to illustrate society's conflict with Proctor's autonomy)
- Another reason your paragraph is too long is that you have wasted two of your sentences talking about Proctor's fatal flaw. This is more like a "by the way" rather than directly addressing the point of your paragraph that could easily be shortened to half a sentence so that you can quickly jump to the main point of society's conflict with Proctor's autonomy
- Proctor might have multiple hamartias, but since we're on the topic of something else entirely, best to focus on one and go with it for the sake of this paragraph - otherwise, you risk opening a whole can of worms that's not worth opening. Having said that, we don't know what your exam question might be - it could be on his hamartia(s). Hence, I'd recommend you to Google these websites on stuff about his hamartias for future reference (I can't paste links here :( ):
* John Proctor The True Tragic Hero - PapersOwl
* John Proctor The Tragic Hero English Literature Essay - AU Essays
* John Proctor - a Tragic Hero in The Crucible - Grades Fixer
- Try adding a pinch of context (author's and/or Salem witch trials) in your paragraph somewhere - you wouldn't eat chips without a bit of salt, would you? :')

I hope this is good starting feedback for you. I will comment on your other paragraphs later today. Remember to judge the value of each sentence of what you write just as harshly as people were judged at the Salem witch trials >:)
 
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stressedadfff

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I'm commenting on one paragraph at a time. Please bear with me :)


Strengths:
- You have used some great vocab here - really like your use of words like "anachronistic" and contextual words like "theocracy" and "puritan"
- You have a well-sustained argument that consistently addresses your very solid topic sentence and conclusion sentence - it's cohesive
- I notice a decent understanding of the play here through your analysis and choice of quotes and techniques

Opportunities to improve:
- I have made as many changes to your expression as I could find, but I highly recommend you use them as a starting point to identify other places where you might be able to cut down words
- I think the reason your paragraph is too long is because you have repeated your point in multiple sentences rather than progressed your argument. A good body paragraph should start off with your main point (topic sentence), then each point after that needs to build on the analysis rather than repeating. My suggestion is to remove a couple of sentences here and there (e.g. the part where Elizabeth reinforces society's opposition of individuality, which basically repeats the first main point where the example of irony was used to illustrate society's conflict with Proctor's autonomy)
- Another reason your paragraph is too long is that you have wasted two of your sentences talking about Proctor's fatal flaw. This is more like a "by the way" rather than directly addressing the point of your paragraph that could easily be shortened to half a sentence so that you can quickly jump to the main point of society's conflict with Proctor's autonomy
- Proctor might have multiple hamartias, but since we're on the topic of something else entirely, best to focus on one and go with it for the sake of this paragraph - otherwise, you risk opening a whole can of worms that's not worth opening. Having said that, we don't know what your exam question might be - it could be on his hamartia(s). Hence, I'd recommend you to Google these websites on stuff about his hamartias for future reference (I can't paste links here :( ):
* John Proctor The True Tragic Hero - PapersOwl
* John Proctor The Tragic Hero English Literature Essay - AU Essays
* John Proctor - a Tragic Hero in The Crucible - Grades Fixer
- Try adding a pinch of context (author's and/or Salem witch trials) in your paragraph somewhere - you wouldn't eat chips without a bit of salt, would you? :')

I hope this is good starting feedback for you. I will comment on your other paragraphs later today. Remember to judge the value of each sentence of what you write just as harshly as people were judged at the Salem witch trials >:)
all good :)
 

Nacseo

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Topic: Authors engage viewers by giving us a perspective on important issues that impact people

Year 10 and this has to be a podcast, sad ik, im not done with the conclusion just yet, Thanks legend

If there is anything I need to cut down or shorten please let me know :)

Michael Pryor's 10 Futures offers a grim perspective on humanity through the use of abstract diction; this thought-provoking novel examines the possible futures that we, humanity, could face or will face. We will be analysing the first chapter of 10 Futures, which stems from the concept of artificial intelligence and debating the rights of whether androids will yearn to live freely as independent people.

Pryor opens our eyes to an issue that could happen in the coming period. This chapter depicts the year 2100, a near-future where the lives of humans are made easier by artificial intelligence. It shows us a world where an android's purpose cannot be limited to serving humanity, and additionally, can be given a possibility to achieving something that humankind has always feared: sentience. Portia is an example of an android that has developed humanoid emotions over time and has aspirations to be treated as an equal like her human friend, Tara, by a society run by humankind. The storyline addresses Portia in her struggle for freedom; ever since the government has campaigned to recover scarce materials from androids, Portia's 'life' is now in danger. Tara was dismayed by the thought of compensating her best friend to the government; she devised a plan to prove that Portia is human. Along these lines, Tara mentions how much Portia has grown and matured like a person while ignoring the stereotype that artificial intelligence cannot be sentient. "She is not a metal box stuffed full of programs, no more than we're bone domes stuffed full of squishy stuff. She's learned to be human." Tara exclaimed that Portia is living proof of a non-human entity that has become 'human.' In this quote, being human is not the mannerisms of a human being, nor having the physical form; it is a way of living. Pryor emphasises the word 'stuffed' using anaphora; this is very prominent in the text as it underlines that what makes us human beings is more than flesh and bones. Our life experiences define who we are and what we will become; this can be applied to Portia's case, in that she has adapted to a human lifestyle and experiences life the same way as the rest of humankind; thus, she has become human. Pryor has immersed his audience by diving into themes of artificial intelligence finding consciousness and how civil rights can be involved as Portia is pleading for equality among a society that doubts her sentience and humanity.

At the tail end of this story, Portia is faced by the court as they retire to make a final decision on whether the android is human; it was at that moment when Portia requested to talk to her best friend, Tara, one last time."Tara? If the worst happens to me, will you take care of my pets?" In this part of the text, Portia displayed another human emotion, selflessness. The unwillingness to die is a human quality but considering others' needs before your own is a distinct characteristic that ultimately distinguishes Portia's character from any other android or human. The judge, Justice Ironmonger, quotes this line after the response made by Portia. "An unwillingness to die is a human trait, but no animal willingly goes to its death either. No animal other than humans, however, keep pets." The evidence further sustains that Portia is an anthropomorphic being. Apart from adopting the crucial personality trait that makes man 'man,' Portia has developed human habits that require a long-term commitment, like owning pets. Hence, Pryor's message is that we should treat like cases alike, and we must identify differences that justify treating non-human animals in ways we would never subject to humans.
 
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easyAessay

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In The Crucible, (repetitive) --> the equality of justice is inverted with the subjectivity (again, repetitive)and biases of religion and evangelical puritanism, allowing individuals to use the moral precepts of law to mediate power and control. Miller's fictional recount of the event in Salem, Massachusetts reveals how the collective and individual experience of justice can be manipulated and distorted to engender fear and hysteria. The inversion/conflation of justice is evident in The Crucible’s theatrical setting, as Betty’s bedroom (Act 1) with “exposed roof rafters” <-- this is great quote integration! doubles as a religious centre for the community’s exorcism; and the Proctor’s house (Act 2) - an isolated place of private affairs - is equated to a court as John he states “it’s as though I come into a court when I come into this house”. <-- can you reword this sentence so we're talking about why Miller chose to use this particular technique? You can phrase it like, "Miller uses the theatrical settings of...to..." The tension instilled by theatre’s invasion of Salem’s privacy thus, denounces the political harassment of conscience’s transformation from a private affair to that of state administration in Salem’s and McCarthy’s iconoclastic trials. Miller’s narration authorial intrusion effectively highlights that the restorative and reformative purposes of justice are being mistaken for personal vendettas and vengeance by alluding to through authorial intrusion and religious allusion in religious[o]ld scores [that] could be settled…between Lucifer and the Lord;”, conveying man's vulnerability to deception. This juxtaposinges religious figures to highlight the binary nature of religious ideology <-- why is this relevant to this paragraph?. Moreover, the humanisation of Pproctor is was achieved through the metaphorical richness and poetic sensuality of his discourse, exemplified in phrases such as “Is the accuser always holy now? Were they born this morning as clean as God’s fingers…” portrays the paradox of religion conflating the law and exposes the lack of equality in public sentiment. <-- sentence too long; I recommend using rhetorical question as the technique Moreover, Danforth’s use of a passionate <-- this is not an actual narrative voice type narrative voice of biased nature directly exposes the lack of judicial legitimacy in Salem. <-- I recommend getting rid of this sentence, and maybe only incorporating the part about lack of judicial legitimacy into an existing sentence. This is reinforced in the traditional Christian imagery of Jesus giving his blood for the sins of humanity, juxtaposed with Danforth's shortcomings of guilt and the need for “no slightest qualm of conscience [to] doubt” judicial legitimacy, as the innocent such as Elizabeth are ultimately punished. Hale’s statement; - “There is blood on my head! Can you not see the blood on my head!”, - conveys through the repetitive symbol of blood, that moral doubts about the perversion of truth and justice increase tension in.... <-- sense a slight repetition of point here Hence, Miller reveals the nature of power and justice by inviting the audience to question the façade of fairness amongst political institutions and to interrogate the corruption of justice which occurs in the audience's own experiences of the world. <-- really like this last bit - beautifully links to audience's own experiences of the world - an important part of the rubric
Strengths:
- I see you have put a concerted effort to follow the rubric, which is great
- Some really high-quality, in-depth analysis with specific techniques
- Some good quote integration, but see below on how to make it consistently great!

Opportunities to improve:
- Work on your quote integration - the better you can do this, the better the flow of the essay will be and thus the more cohesive it'll be; I can see that you ARE capable of doing it - you just need to work on consistency :) Integrating quotes better also cuts down words A LOT (speaking from experience)
- Rather than placing techniques in the middle of sentences just awkwardly, try and integrate them into your sentences as well so they fit better - my suggestion would be to turn them into verbs or adverbs such as, "Miller metaphorically demonstrates..." or "Proctor ironically does such and such..." or "Abigail rhetorically questions..."...you get the picture. This would also cut down words
- I feel like the last sentence before your concluding sentence was a bit repetitive and kind of made the argument circular, which is not necessarily bad; but I think that's the concluding sentence's job to summarise what happened in that paragraph. All sentences until then need to have some kind of progression, or at least a different point or perspective. Make a plan of how you want the paragraph to progress argument-wise (like, starting from your topic sentence, how does this issue eventually link to a broader contextual issue of author or text/to other characters/to audience's context)

All in all, work on your flow. Good flow doesn't just apply to rappers, y'know. :cool:🤙
 

stressedadfff

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Strengths:
- I see you have put a concerted effort to follow the rubric, which is great
- Some really high-quality, in-depth analysis with specific techniques
- Some good quote integration, but see below on how to make it consistently great!

Opportunities to improve:
- Work on your quote integration - the better you can do this, the better the flow of the essay will be and thus the more cohesive it'll be; I can see that you ARE capable of doing it - you just need to work on consistency :) Integrating quotes better also cuts down words A LOT (speaking from experience)
- Rather than placing techniques in the middle of sentences just awkwardly, try and integrate them into your sentences as well so they fit better - my suggestion would be to turn them into verbs or adverbs such as, "Miller metaphorically demonstrates..." or "Proctor ironically does such and such..." or "Abigail rhetorically questions..."...you get the picture. This would also cut down words
- I feel like the last sentence before your concluding sentence was a bit repetitive and kind of made the argument circular, which is not necessarily bad; but I think that's the concluding sentence's job to summarise what happened in that paragraph. All sentences until then need to have some kind of progression, or at least a different point or perspective. Make a plan of how you want the paragraph to progress argument-wise (like, starting from your topic sentence, how does this issue eventually link to a broader contextual issue of author or text/to other characters/to audience's context)

All in all, work on your flow. Good flow doesn't just apply to rappers, y'know. :cool:🤙
THANKS!
 

easyAessay

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Miller challenges the verisimilitude of truth (ability to be changed) this sounds repeated to me since verisimilitude means "how close to reality something is", and get rid of bracketed things as an immutable grounds of knowledge through the absurdist representation of how hysteria and witchcraft engineer collective ideologies. <-- I otherwise really like this topic sentence! This denounces the anti-communist rage that threatened to reach hysterical proportions, as well as the colour symbolism in "red hunt", which was the dominating fixation of the 1950s American psyche. Miller’s depiction of Abigail as the personification of hysteria and manipulation “with a prodigious danger in seeking loose spirits”, demonstrates the potential of hysteria to misconstrue truth. The ongoing tension in of the play is embodied by Abigail in Act 1, when she and the collective women begin to falsely accuse people of witchcraft. Abigail asserts that, sheI want[s] the sweet love of Jesus! I[She] danced for the Devil…” The paradoxical comparison of Jesus and the Devil externalises the falsity of Abigail's argument. In combination with Abigail’s exclamation in dialogue, this heightens the sudden hysteria shrouded in contrived, collectively Purintanical piety. In addition, Miller reveals the contagion of hysteria and the political machination of public terror that divests man of conscience, as in the rhetorical questioning of in the rising tension: “Why...? Why do you come as a yellow bird?” during the rising tension of the play. In doing this, the girls’ frenzied crescendo of baseless accusations permeating hysteria and tension throughout the four4-act structure parallels the Red hunt-dominating fixation of the 1950s American psyche. <-- I feel like you should reword it so it doesn't sound too repetitive This almost satanic ritual mimicked by the girls, symbolises the real-life(?) accusations(?) in court, as Proctor idiomatically confirms there is “no bird” which theocracy is blinded to by placing faith in the corrupt girls. <-- not sure if I'm understanding this sentence; consider rewording to clarify your point Furthermore, Miller dramatises the "infectious" nature of hysteria upon communal mindsets through Abigail’s confession to consorting with the Devil to absolve the sin[, Betty follows: “I saw Alice Barrow with the devil!” mimicked by Abigail: “I saw Goody proctor with the Devil!”] <-- what is the purpose of including the bracketed part and does it really add meaning to your point?. Miller in the final stage directions of the act “the curtain falls on their ecstatic cries” conveys the implosion of theocracy as a one-dimensional technique, reducing it to “the curtain fall[ing] on their ecstatic cries”, as a one-dimensional technique which influences collective hysteria. In deliberately <-- what do you mean by this? All choices made by text creators are deliberate ending Act One, Miller emphasises the absurdist tension and confronts the audiences to consider the socially contagious nature of these accusations both within and outside of the play’s context. In addition, the absurdist conflation of Abigail with the biblical imagery: of[w]here she walks the crowd will part like the sea of Israel” absurdly represents her as an omnipotent godly figure,. This conveyings the hyperbolic externalisation of her control that causes the shared hysteria. Therefore, Miller’s reveals how the punitive and violent nature of fear-induced hysteria, challengesing an individual's experience of the world around them.
I've given you enough strengths and opportunities to improve already, so here are just some closing general comments:

- Always write out numbers as words in the subject of English
- Good use of obscure quotes! I can't even find the quote "no bird" on Google, so you've either done some thorough reading or made up a really good quote 🤪 If the former, this really shows that you've read the play
- Great incorporation of context here! Use that in your other paragraphs
- All previous feedback applies
- Try and minimise the number of sentences you write that don't have a technique and a quote in them (except for topic and concluding sentences, obviously). This will save words and help you cut to the chase
 
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stressedadfff

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I've given you enough strengths and opportunities to improve already, so here are just some closing general comments:

- Always write out numbers as words in the subject of English
- Good use of obscure quotes! I can't even find the quote "no bird" on Google, so you've either done some thorough reading or made up a really good quote 🤪 If the former, this really shows that you've read the play
- Great incorporation of context here! Use that in your other paragraphs
- All previous feedback applies
- Try and minimise the number of sentences you write that don't have a technique and a quote in them (except for topic and concluding sentences, obviously). This will save words and help you cut to the chase
THANK YOU HEAPS!
 

not_sure

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Romeo and Juliet, year 10. "How does the language of the play show how some of the characters view the world?"

Shakespeare’s tragedy ‘Romeo and Juliet’ reveals that love is a lens through which characters view the world, because it shapes their attitudes, values and beliefs. The characters Romeo, Juliet and Friar Lawrence are each examples of this point. Even though their individual outlooks are different, the characters share the fact that their worldview has been crafted through an experience with love. This essay will highlight how composer William Shakespeare has used language forms and features, in particular paradox, metaphor and personification, to convey how Romeo, Juliet and Friar Lawrence view the world when influenced by love. It remains particularly relevant when a worldview about love can create thematic exploration, in this case social change and character development.
 

Hivaclibtibcharkwa

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HSC all-rounder (including Band 6 in English (Advanced)) med student is bored (of studies ha ha) and wants to spend the lockdown roasting your not-so-hard work.

Not getting specific, targeted feedback from your teachers? Post your writing (one ~250-word paragraph per post) below and get free detailed (~ and possibly spicy ~) feedback from a reputed critic! ;) All writing from all year levels of English (except Year 12 Extension 1 and 2) is accepted! Please specify what level of English you're doing in your post so that I can be more specific to your course/grade level.
Can you write me 3 body paragraphs on challenges,relationships and identity on the book curious incident of the dog in the night garden
 

easyAessay

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Can you write me 3 body paragraphs on challenges,relationships and identity on the book curious incident of the dog in the night garden
Hi,
I'm not offering a free essay-writing service. This is a free essay-MARKING service. I do not encourage anyone to solicit others to write their essays for them. If you have already written any paragraph/s, please feel free to drop them here so that I can give you feedback. :)
 

Hivaclibtibcharkwa

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Hi,
I'm not offering a free essay-writing service. This is a free essay-MARKING service. I do not encourage anyone to solicit others to write their essays for them. If you have already written any paragraph/s, please feel free to drop them here so that I can give you feedback. :)
Parental Relationships impact the destiny SOUNDS INFORMAL... TRY FUTURE INSTEAD of individuals and mould their intrinsic character. Christopher’s harmonious interactions with his father positively effect his psyche whilst his experiences with deceit leads to him develop emotional trauma EXCELLENT. Christopher’s objective language “Mother died two weeks later” shows that he has taken his fathers word CONTEXTUALISE – STATE MOTHER IS DEAD as an indisputable fact, expressing the trust he has for him. Additionally, Christopher’s emotive language “I was happy that father didn’t throw book away” demonstrates the fear he experiences when he disobeys his father, symbolising the totalitarian relationship they have together IS THIS TRAUMA INDUCING? WHEN ANALYSING, MAKE REFERENCE TO PC. Moreover, Ed Boone’s appraisal of Christopher “Good man” emphasises how they’re relationship can be healthy at times. Subsequently, the repetition of “Mother” displays Christopher’s disbelief as a result of learning of his mother’s existence and how his father had been lying to him his whole life. Furthermore, Ed Boone finally tells Christopher’s about the huge lie and how it has placed a heavy burden on him for a living This sounds unclear, wordy and informal - revise, shown through his confession “I did it for your own good”. Christopher show resilience to his changing, chaotic environment by overcoming the harsh adversities placed upon him from his father and the tragic deception he has faced as a result of his father hiding his mother’s existence SECOND SENTENCE OF RICH EVALUATION REQUIRED. If the truth is not expressed then parental relationships break apart due to a lack of trust. THE PURPOSE OF THE LINK IS TO HIGHLIGHT SOMETHING SPECIFIC AND UNIQUE ABOUT HADDON’S WRITING AND NARRATIVE STYLE – REVISIT RUBRIC TO CLARIFY MODULE B FOCUS.
 

Hivaclibtibcharkwa

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Parental Relationships impact the destiny SOUNDS INFORMAL... TRY FUTURE INSTEAD of individuals and mould their intrinsic character. Christopher’s harmonious interactions with his father positively effect his psyche whilst his experiences with deceit leads to him develop emotional trauma EXCELLENT. Christopher’s objective language “Mother died two weeks later” shows that he has taken his fathers word CONTEXTUALISE – STATE MOTHER IS DEAD as an indisputable fact, expressing the trust he has for him. Additionally, Christopher’s emotive language “I was happy that father didn’t throw book away” demonstrates the fear he experiences when he disobeys his father, symbolising the totalitarian relationship they have together IS THIS TRAUMA INDUCING? WHEN ANALYSING, MAKE REFERENCE TO PC. Moreover, Ed Boone’s appraisal of Christopher “Good man” emphasises how they’re relationship can be healthy at times. Subsequently, the repetition of “Mother” displays Christopher’s disbelief as a result of learning of his mother’s existence and how his father had been lying to him his whole life. Furthermore, Ed Boone finally tells Christopher’s about the huge lie and how it has placed a heavy burden on him for a living This sounds unclear, wordy and informal - revise, shown through his confession “I did it for your own good”. Christopher show resilience to his changing, chaotic environment by overcoming the harsh adversities placed upon him from his father and the tragic deception he has faced as a result of his father hiding his mother’s existence SECOND SENTENCE OF RICH EVALUATION REQUIRED. If the truth is not expressed then parental relationships break apart due to a lack of trust. THE PURPOSE OF THE LINK IS TO HIGHLIGHT SOMETHING SPECIFIC AND UNIQUE ABOUT HADDON’S WRITING AND NARRATIVE STYLE – REVISIT RUBRIC TO CLARIFY MODULE B FOCUS.
The capital letters are teachers advice, but I don’t get any of it
 

SPP270717936]/02

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Level: Advanced English
Prescribed text: 1984

To what extent does the representation of individuals within your prescribed text reflect the anomalies, paradoxes and inconsistencies inherent in the human experience?

In your response, make detailed reference to ONE text from the prescribed list.


Vast exposure to the portrayal of pessimistic individual life experiences invites contemporary readers to broaden their understanding of anomalies, paradoxes and inconsistencies engrossed via human experiences. George Orwell’s ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’ utilises elements in a dystopian society to explore themes of control and existentialism conveyed through the character of Winston Smith. Elements inherent in this dystopian society significantly attribute the representation of entrapping human experience that is ruled through authority and fear to govern individuals in 1984. Evidently, the portrayal of the human experience in 1984 can be recognised by the audience presented by various anomalies, paradoxes and haphazard.


A world of inhumanity and despair where self-identity is extinguished and replaced by mindless devotion is a portrayal of individuals via inconsistencies and anomalies. Orwell highlights the theme of control over the populace of 1984 described by Winston. “There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment” whereby this quote uses a diction voice to establish the atmosphere of trepidation and constant surveillance from Winston’s character to exemplify the loss of independence and identity through drifting apart from contemporary societies as an anomaly representing the individual human experiences.


Inconsistencies of the individual human experience with relapses of past memories occur with Winston ``Within twenty years at most, he reflected, the huge and simple question ‘Was life better before the Revolution than it is now?’” is the primary tool of control and use of didactic diction significantly evokes the level of doubt towards society from Winston and his persona represented through human experience inconsistencies inherent in Winston. Moreover, the pursuit of Winston’s existentialism is a prevalent notion conveyed through writings in his diary “Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows” where this quote encompasses the motif of “2 plus 2 equals 5” is an implicit contradiction to Winston’s belief as an anomaly in society restricting expression of humanistic values due to forcefully following the conundrum in portraying oppressive society in 1984 of meaningless existence of life during the time. Additionally, the quest for existentialism is the main convention of Winston’s character and importance to represent individuality in a dystopian society. Evidently, contemporary societies can reflect upon themes present in individual human experiences; to a significant extent 1984 excels in portraying loss of individuality through anomalies and inconsistencies.

Collective human experiences are essential to illustrate the atmosphere engrossed by paradoxes and themes. Subtle uses of the triad are highlighted when mentioning the words of “Oceania, Eastasia and Eurasia” uses tricolon to essentially represent the completion of the party attempting to perpetuate it as a method of control. On the contrary, triads imply the notion the party is omnipotent and omnipresent which promotes utilitarianism “War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength” establishes the paradox the ironic truth of Oceania’s prevalent slogan where recognised by Winston’s existentialist notions but blindly followed by the Proles in 1984. Additionally, Orwell’s use of caliginous reality illustrates the collective human experience to reflect on paradoxes evident in 1984 “The society he lives in strips its citizens not only of their freedom but of their very humanity” the word “strips’ exemplifies the hyperbole link to breach of individuality and lack of freedom present in 1984’s oppressive regime. Ultimately, use of triads emphasises the pessimistic collective experience and demonstrates the subtle reverberation within Proles as a portrayal of paradoxes, while a lack of individuality and freedom hinders meaningful human existence.


To conclude, inconsistencies, paradoxes and anomalies precisely establish control and existentialism. Evidently, accentuated in Orwell’s dystopian society the portrayal of collective and individual human experiences are influenced by the pessimistic atmosphere of constant surveillance and calingious reality regarding lack of individuality & freedom. In contrast, Winston's revenge on the existential paradigm is essential to reflect upon aforementioned core themes to a significant extent regarding the instability of human experiences.

Thanks for your feedback in advance.
 

easyAessay

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Apologies for the late reply. Hope you'll find this feedback helpful. :)

Try insert a general contextual intro sentence that relates to the rubric - suggestion would be something involving "how language can be used to affirm, ignore, reveal, challenge or disrupt prevailing assumptions and beliefs about themselves, individuals and cultural groups" Mark Haddon’s text The Curious Incident of the Dog in the nNight-tTime avoid using quotation marks for titles, as they can be confused for textual quotes effectively represents a unique individual through the lens of the protagonist diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome in order to encourage the audience to understand and empathise with his condition and its relation to human behaviour <-- could you briefly expand on how Asperger's syndrome relates to human behaviour? It's important to do this in your thesis. Through the key themes of the Nature of Difference, the Need for Stability and the Complexity of Human Interaction <-- please don't talk about "themes"; can you expand on each "theme" and turn it into a statement of how it relates to human behaviour? also, why have you capitalised them?, Haddon extensively explores this unique individual who views the world differently to expand the reader’s perspective on human behaviour.

Haddon explores the nature of difference through Christopher’s positive traits, <-- why is this positive? such as his conflict with himself internal conflict, in order to expand the reader’s perspective on human behaviour. This is initially seen through Christopher’s statement that ‘Prime numbers are what is left when you have taken all the patterns away. I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them.’ <-- too long of a quote This example symbolises Christopher’s thought process through his attempts at applying logical thinking to life and his paradoxical character which that is both illogical and logical, depending on the context. This is a notable example of the Nature of Difference as Chirristopher intends for stability through logic and factuality, due to his aspergers Asperger's condition, making him socially awkward in social situations, as well as expanding the reader’s perspective on human behaviour. Furthermore, through ‘My name is a metaphor. It means carrying Christ...it was a name given to St Christopher because he carried Jesus Christ across a river. Mother used to say that it meant Christopher was a nice name because it was a story about being kind and helpful, but I do not want my name to mean a story about being kind and helpful. I want my name to mean me.’ <-- too long of a quote this statement depicts Christopher’s atypical narrative voice. His biblical allusion suggests that he dislikes the idea of his name being characterised as a metaphor, reflecting his need for individuality quote?. This is another example of the Nature of Difference as normal people wouldn’t never use contractions in your writing (unless it's a quote) display much care to the etymology behind their name generally, <-- what are your sources for saying this? in general, completely try and avoid making sweeping generalisations that don't have to do with the text; but Christopher is an anomaly in this situation, showing Haddon’s attempt to expand the reader’s perspective on human behaviour through this situation. Finally, through ‘But most people are lazy. They never look at everything. They do what is called glancing which is the same word for bumping off something carrying on in the same direction [...] But if I am standing in a field in the countryside I notice everything.’ <-- too long of a quote where the truncated sentences point out his opinions on other people’s interactions with their surroundings, compared to that of himself. His pedantic nature is emphasised here and reflects a desire for a specific understanding of the environment, thus showing his difference from the rest of society due to this condition. As a result, this expands the reader’s perspective on human behaviour, due to Christopher’s Asperger’s condition syndrome influencing his everyday activities. Thus, Haddon explores the nature of difference through Christopher’s positive traits such as his conflict with himself in order to expand the reader’s perspective on human behaviour.

Another aspect of the nature of difference <-- make sure your three points for your body para's don't overlap with each other; don't connect need for stability within nature of difference, but you can connect between them - like how they both expand perspectives on human behaviour can be seen through Christopher’s need for stability, which is also reflected through his s conflict with self. Haddon explores the idea of Christopher’s factual thought processes, his need for truth and his solving of maths equations in his head <-- don't use ellipses if it's not a quote in order to make sense of his world. This is seen in ‘Its eyes were closed. It looked as if it was running on its side, the way dogs run when they think they are chasing a cat in a dream. But the dog was not running or asleep. The dog was dead.’ <-- quote too long; try split it up and integrate it within the sentence where Haddon’s use of truncated sentences emphasises the impactfulness of the dead dog <-- what is its impactfulness (and what does this even mean here?)?. The Christopher's atypical <-- this is not exactly a technique - check online for types of narrative voice narrative voice portrayed by Christopher presents the events involving the dog from a factual perspective, instead of an emotional one, expanding the reader’s perspective on human behaviour due to this reason what is the reason? e.g. because readers usually have an emotional perspective on matters.... Furthermore, through ‘Also Doctor Watson says about Sherlock Holmes...his mind… was busy in endeavouring to frame some scheme into which all of these strange and apparently disconnected episodes could be fitted’ And that is what I am trying to do by writing this book.’ <-- this is not a full sentence, despite the quotes This shows Christopher’s need for stability by Haddon’s use of intertextuality to Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes, encouraging him to ‘write this book’. Additionally, this relates to the hybridizsation of the novel’s genre, as Christopher intended to write a murder mystery novel, but instead wrote a bildungsroman (coming of age) no need to define literary techniques novel. Finally, through ‘And when I was asleep I had one of my favourite dreams… And in the dream nearly everyone on the earth is dead, because they have caught a virus…And eventually there is no one left in the world except people who don’t look at other people’s faces and who don’t know what these pictures mean’ the use of internal focalisation into Christopher’s dreams show his need for stability, due to his dream depicting having a ‘perfect life’ where a virus wipes out the world population, leaving him alone, showing and expanding the reader’s perspective on human behaviour <-- why is this different from typical human behaviour?. Finally, the need for stability shows another aspect of the nature of difference, which is reflected through his conflict with himself. <-- repeats topic sentence; you need to show that you've thought beyond what you started with and make a more philosophical statement about what the reader is taught about human behaviour
 

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