Here is a rewrite of a previous essay (accepting feedback) (1 Viewer)

Dane Red

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(Redux)Essay 2- Evaluate the response of operations management to influences in achieving a competitive advantage.

Introduction

Operations management is an area of management that is responsible for the production processes and operations within a business and focuses on resource allocation to satisfy customer’s needs. A competitive advantage is an element or circumstance that places a business in a favourable position relative to its competitors. Technology and corporate social responsibility are two influences that McDonald’s has effectively responded to, leading it to achieve a competitive advantage.

McDonalds is the world’s leading food service organisation with its operations management being responsible for the practical delivery of McDonald’s goods and services.

Corporate Social Responsibility

Corporate social responsibility is where a business goes beyond their compliance costs to become an ethical and environmentally focused business. Corporate social responsibility can affect a business’s ability in achieving a competitive advantage as corporate social responsibility can increase or decrease a business’s market share or profits. It can also lead to a short-term increase in costs and a long-term increase in cost-effectiveness for a business.

McDonalds has been effective in responding to corporate social responsibility, resulting in a competitive advantage as by 2022 they aim to simplify the ingredients of their Happy meals and ensure that 50% of the ingredients meet nutritional requirements. Hence this is effective as they have improved their corporate social responsibility by showing their concern for the wellbeing of their customers, as well as benefitting from their improved and positive corporate social responsibility. This show of care can lead to an increase in McDonald’s reputation amongst consumers which would result in an increase in sales as consumers see McDonalds as a socially responsible business. As a result, would feel inclined to reward its social responsibility by buying products from them leading to McDonalds increasing their ability to achieve a competitive advantage. Therefore McDonalds has effectively responded to corporate social responsibility by improving on it and using it to increase their sales, hence increasing their ability to achieve a competitive advantage.

Technology

Technology is the design, manufacturing and application of innovative devices and methods of machinery to use in operations processes. Technology can be a high initial cost for a business and its operations management when it comes to using and developing technology. However, it can significantly improve quality and productivity.

McDonalds’ operations management responds to technology in an effective manner as they use automated dispensers and use delivery companies such as Uber Eats to deliver food to their consumers. This is an effective response as McDonalds utilises technology in their operations management to increase efficiency in the delivery of their goods and services. This would thus allow them to sell more of their products in a shorter period, leading to increased profits which results in McDonalds achieving a competitive advantage. Therefore, McDonalds has effectively responded to technology by utilizing it in their operations management leading to efficient delivery of their products which results in an increase of sales and achieving a competitive advantage.

Conclusion

In conclusion, McDonalds has effectively responded to operations influences as it was able to take full advantage of their corporate social responsibility and technology to increase their sales, reputation, and efficiency in delivering their products; thus, results in McDonalds getting a competitive advantage.
 

jimmysmith560

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My previous comment regarding depth and the number of influences that should be covered still applies to this attempt. What is uncertain is whether your assessment task or exam does not require you to address more than two influences, in which case you can safely disregard this comment.

Here are my thoughts regarding your response:

Introduction

Operations management is an area of management that is responsible for the production processes and operations within a business and focuses on resource allocation to satisfy customer’s needs. A competitive advantage is an element or circumstance that places a business in a favourable position relative to its competitors. Technology and corporate social responsibility are two influences that McDonald’s has effectively responded to, leading it to achieve a competitive advantage.

McDonalds is the world’s leading food service organisation with its operations management being responsible for the practical delivery of McDonald’s goods and services.
A good introduction that concisely defines the key terms of this response. A suggestion would be to briefly state the purpose of your essay.

Corporate Social Responsibility

Corporate social responsibility is where a business goes beyond their compliance costs to become an ethical and environmentally focused business. Corporate social responsibility can affect a business’s ability in achieving a competitive advantage as corporate social responsibility can increase or decrease a business’s market share or profits. It can also lead to a short-term increase in costs and a long-term increase in cost-effectiveness for a business.

McDonalds has been effective in responding to corporate social responsibility, resulting in a competitive advantage as by 2022 they aim to simplify have simplified the ingredients of their Happy Meals and ensured that 50% of the ingredients meet nutritional requirements. Hence, this is effective as they have improved their corporate social responsibility by showing their concern for the wellbeing of their customers, as well as benefitting from their improved and positive strengthened corporate social responsibility. This show of care can lead to an increase in McDonald’s reputation amongst consumers which would result in an increase in sales as consumers see McDonalds as a socially responsible business. As a result, they would feel inclined to reward its initiative which demonstrates its social responsibility by buying products from them leading to McDonalds increasing their ability to achieve a competitive advantage. Therefore McDonalds has effectively responded to corporate social responsibility by improving on it and using it to increase their sales, hence increasing their ability to achieve a competitive advantage.
Ensure that you use the correct tense when discussing case study material. You are discussing 2022 data in 2023, meaning that you need to refer to it in the past tense as opposed to the future tense.

A good paragraph that establishes a link between appropriate syllabus dot points and supports its main argument by referring to relevant case study material. Minor edits were made so as to improve its flow.

Technology

Technology is the design, manufacturing and application of innovative devices and methods of machinery to use in operations processes. Technology can be a high initial cost for a business and its operations management when it comes to using and developing technology. However, it can significantly improve quality and productivity.

McDonalds’ operations management responds to technology in an effective manner as they use automated dispensers and use delivery companies such as Uber Eats to deliver food to their consumers. This is an effective response as McDonalds utilises technology in their operations management to increase efficiency in the delivery of their goods and services. This would thus allow them to sell more of their products in a shorter period, leading to increased profits which results in McDonalds achieving a competitive advantage. Therefore, McDonalds has effectively responded to technology by utilizing it in their operations management leading to efficient delivery of their products which results in an increase of sales and achieving a competitive advantage.
A good paragraph that establishes a link between appropriate syllabus dot points and supports its main argument by referring to relevant case study material.

Conclusion

In conclusion, McDonalds has effectively responded to operations influences as it was able to take full advantage of their corporate social responsibility and technology to increase their sales, reputation, and efficiency in delivering their products; thus, results in McDonalds getting a competitive advantage.
A relatively good, short conclusion that provides a brief summary of the contents of your essay.

The quality of your response has evidently improved compared to the previous version. Based on this, I would give it the following mark:
  • If you are not required by your exam or assessment task to address more than two influences, I would give this response a 17-18/20.
  • If there are no restrictions on the number of influences that you can cover in your response (which is more consistent with the conditions of the HSC exam), I would give this response a 14-15/20. Improving the standard of your essay in such a case can be done either by exploring the same number of influences in more depth, or exploring an additional influence.
I hope this helps! :D
 

Dane Red

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My previous comment regarding depth and the number of influences that should be covered still applies to this attempt. What is uncertain is whether your assessment task or exam does not require you to address more than two influences, in which case you can safely disregard this comment.

Here are my thoughts regarding your response:



A good introduction that concisely defines the key terms of this response. A suggestion would be to briefly state the purpose of your essay.



Ensure that you use the correct tense when discussing case study material. You are discussing 2022 data in 2023, meaning that you need to refer to it in the past tense as opposed to the future tense.

A good paragraph that establishes a link between appropriate syllabus dot points and supports its main argument by referring to relevant case study material. Minor edits were made so as to improve its flow.



A good paragraph that establishes a link between appropriate syllabus dot points and supports its main argument by referring to relevant case study material.



A relatively good, short conclusion that provides a brief summary of the contents of your essay.

The quality of your response has evidently improved compared to the previous version. Based on this, I would give it the following mark:
  • If you are not required by your exam or assessment task to address more than two influences, I would give this response a 17-18/20.
  • If there are no restrictions on the number of influences that you can cover in your response (which is more consistent with the conditions of the HSC exam), I would give this response a 14-15/20. Improving the standard of your essay in such a case can be done either by exploring the same number of influences in more depth, or exploring an additional influence.
I hope this helps! :D
Thanks, but the thing is that these essays have to be written under 50min. Hence i can only churn out 2 influences instead of 3 otherwise i won't be able to finish.
 

Dane Red

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I just saw your introduction, the structure is quite odd (ie you're just defining terms and not answering the question directly, your first sentence needs to attack the question) and also not specific enough. I could replace McDonalds with any other fast-food chain and it would still make sense. You also need to specify what the competitive advantage actually is (ie product differentiation or cost leadership), this is crucial to achieving higher marks.
Thanks for the feedback. Its been something i noticed myself and i am having a difficulty time tackling it as when it comes to explain questions or any question that requires me to form a link i faulter. Could you give me some pointer on how do i attack the question and on how do i give a succinct reason/cause and effect for explain questions?
 

synthesisFR

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Thanks, but the thing is that these essays have to be written under 50min. Hence i can only churn out 2 influences instead of 3 otherwise i won't be able to finish.
You're essay is only 524 words tho??
Even in english u are expected to write more in 40 minutes, with my teachers saying atleast 800
 

jimmysmith560

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Thanks, but the thing is that these essays have to be written under 50min. Hence i can only churn out 2 influences instead of 3 otherwise i won't be able to finish.
If it is not a strict requirement of your exam, you should focus on writing at least an additional 200-300 words (which would either go towards covering a third point or towards increasing the depth of your two main points). An 800+ word response should be manageable within 50 minutes without much difficulty and will most likely contribute to a higher mark than a ~500-word response.
 

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