Creative writing help (1 Viewer)

[notthedevil]

Hi, I was just wondering if anyone could give me some feedback on the first paragraph of my creative:

Pencils​

Summer. My body sweats as I push through the door to my room after my walk home from work. The barren landscape of my bedroom stifles as the white walls begin to envelop me. I slump on the edge of my bed to pry off my shoes, which sends a searing pain through my feet. A series of painful blisters on my red feet glare back at me. I pull my closet door open and toss my broken shoes into the dark dusty closet. A dishevelled pile of old clothes collapses as the shoes crash into it. As my arm strains pushing the door closed, a glint of silver peeking out from the dirty clothes catches my tired eyes. I stop. My mind goes blank. So I crouch down. The Everest-like pile of clothes cramps my back, as I struggle to move it out of the way. Countless shirts, shorts, and socks fly across the empty bedroom. The last crumpled shirt is finally cleared, and a flat, square, silver tin, reveals itself, lying motionless on the dusty closet floor. The tin takes shape in my memory, and a burst of adrenaline shoots through my body. I feel it. An intense passion that has eluded me for so many years.

Any feedback/comments are greatly appreciated!