Bored Of Studies

Experiences gained through this will result in the creation of relationships with things through significant memories that deem to have a particular meaning to me, such as love or hate.

Ultimately, the great sense of vividness that is gained from being alone with the present moment results in a feeling similar to that of being on a holiday or having a nightmare, and that very nature is maintained continuously no matter the uniqueness of the relationships or experiences.

I still find myself being a maniac who has thousands of thoughts every second against my own will, possessed by my habits that have built in my 5 long years of being lost, but now having things I want to be there for, I find it hard to switch off my brain, let go of everything, burn the ego.

In order to change my default state more radically, I need a lifestyle change, and that comes with forcing myself to do something greatly enough to engage with while remaining mindful not to react to that as a restraint rather than a development of a view of existence.
This is the only case where discipline applies in an honest way.

As for the particular lifestyle I need with account for the type of inspiration I want to have as a free-spirit by the time my spirit becomes free from simply ‘living life’, I would like to explore the things that interested me in the past and see if I can generate the same vivid experience I had back when I first developed a relationship with these things before they became repetitive to me.

These things include:
Drawing
Daydreaming
Calisthenics
Gaming
Watching anime
Reading manga

As for all of the habits that I need to remove, good or bad, they are:

• Listening to music out of comfort
• Having conversations/interviews in my head
• Dissociating rather than feeling alone in the present moment as things happen TO me.

In regards to the other disciplines I need to occupy my time with so as to not turn these old interests into new impulses/habits, my hobbies to explore will be only during designated ‘down times’, while the rest of the time will be spent on me doing something I ‘expect’ myself to do.

These expectations are the same as social obligations such as going to work or school.
I have neither such obligations, but I do want to feel responsible for something.

As for what that something will be, I’ll be taking on challenge/assignment where I must complete a project with the skills I want to develop in the direction of the type of inspiration I also wish for my free spirited self to pay attention to, and that’s drawing.

With the determination to complete a drawing project as a responsibility regardless of how I feel, I’ll at least experience what it’s like to draw and develop a personal relationship with it once again, so long as I don’t make the same mistake I made in college again where I didn’t look at things with clear eyes and let my ego get in the way of the purity of the experience.