Feedback on crime essay (1 Viewer)

nuvardex

Member
Joined
May 7, 2021
Messages
57
Gender
Male
HSC
2022
Hey everyone. I'm doing some practice for extended response questions for crime. This is a 2014 question. Can I please get some feedback? Thanks.

To what extent does the criminal investigation process balance the rights of victims, suspects and society?

Due to tension that arises between the community and police in regards to the balancing of rights and the criminal investigation process, the legal system has put emphasis on attempting law enforcement to balance the rights of victims, suspects and society to a varying extent. This has been addressed through legislation, with a variety of articles and cases depicting the extent to which this has been achieved.

Through the varied success of criminal cases in regards to balancing the rights of victims and suspects, the criminal investigation process has addressed this to a limited extent. Under the Evidence Act 1995 (NSW), evidence must be obtained in a lawful manner, whereby there are no unjustified strip searches, unjustified arrests or the forceful entrance of a property. According to an AUSTLII case study “Police killing of David Gundi” from 1991, police unlawfully raided his property after a warrant was obtained on the basis of false information. This demonstrates a lack of justice within the legal system, since the persecution of Gundi was unfair and unjustified, therefore, demonstrating a limited extent of the legal system balancing the rights of victims. Similarly, the Farah Jama (2008) case demonstrates the limited extent to which the criminal investigation process balances the rights of victims. In 2008, a man was wrongfully convicted of a crime for 6 years because of a DNA mix up.This raised doubts about the reliability of DNA samples and contributed to the 2008 reform of the Evidence Act 1995 (NSW), which made evidence inadmissible if there were any doubts by the jury. Through the lack of enforceability of this act and the lack of justice achieved for the victim due to a wrongful conviction, the extent to which the criminal investigation process balanced the rights of victims was limited.

In a 2022 ABC news article “police plan to map home surveillance cameras spark privacy concerns,” the extent to which the criminal investigation process balances the rights of society is limited. In hopes of making crimes easier to solve, the police department has said that a “CCTV mapping program will reduce the time it takes to solve.” However, technology groups have “raised concerns” regarding misuse of the system, implying that people’s right to safe collection of data under the Privacy Act 1988 may be infringed upon if an unauthorised body accesses the system. This shows that there is a lack of protection of individual rights since people’s right for their information to be kept safe can potentially be infringed. Similarly, an article by ABC News in 2015 titled “NSW Police take DNA from hundreds of ex-offenders to build crime solving database” shows a lack of balance of rights. Under the Crimes (Forensic Procedures) Act 2000, police obtained hundreds of DNA from ex-offenders. Whilst the majority gave the police permission, some refused. Yet, the interests of the police prevailed. Since no follow up investigations were done into this, it demonstrates a lack of responsiveness of the legal system and protection of individual rights. Therefore, through these articles, the extent to which the criminal investigation process balances rights of society is quite limited.

In conclusion, it is apparent that the extent to which the criminal investigation process balances the rights of victims, suspects and society varies. The legal system has put emphasis on attempting law enforcement to balance the rights of victims, suspects and society, which can be seen with a variety of cases, media and legislation of varying success. The Evidence Act 1995 outlines just terms of collection of evidence, which, according to an AUSTLII case study on David Gundi, was not followed effectively. Similarly, the Farah Jama case addresses the importance of having admissible evidence due to the chances of DNA mix up, which was emphasised during a 2008 reform of the Evidence Act. Alternatively, articles by ABC demonstrate that there is a relatively low balance of rights in regards to the criminal investigation process and society. This can be seen with CCTV companies not putting low emphasis on the Privacy Act 1988 and the unlawful collection of evidence of past criminals.
 

airora

Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2019
Messages
29
Gender
Male
HSC
2022
Due to tension that arises between the community and police in regards to the balancing of rights and the criminal investigation process, the legal system has put emphasis on attempting law enforcement to balance the rights of victims, suspects and society to a varying extent. This has been addressed through legislation, with a variety of articles and cases depicting the extent to which this has been achieved.
It's good that your intro incorporates your position on the essay question, but I think it could be more direct and concise. You could perhaps begin with the latter part of the sentence, "The legal system has balanced the rights of victims, suspects society to a varying extent", before going on to foreground the arguments you will make.

put emphasis on attempting law enforcement to balance the rights of victims, suspects and society to a varying extent
I think you could express this point about "attempting law enforcement" clearer with something like "the failure to enforce legislation in the criminal investigation process can often result in infringements of the rights of...."


Whilst the way you've separated your body paragraphs based on the type of LCMD might be valid, I think that the markers will favour paragraphs that integrates different LCMD about a particular topic more. I definitely wouldn't dedicate a paragraph solely to media reports.

Through the varied success of criminal cases in regards to balancing the rights of victims and suspects, the criminal investigation process has addressed this to a limited extent.
This sentence is a bit confusing. I think you should focus on the topic your talking about in this paragraph (i.e. Police gathering evidence) and then frame your topic sentence around whether the rights for the three parties have been effectively balanced.
Perhaps something like "Failures to gather evidence appropriately has resulted in breaches of suspects' rights at the expense of protecting society"

According to an AUSTLII case study “Police killing of David Gundi"
AUSTLII is a legal database. You should cite the case directly if the police officer was prosecuted.

therefore, demonstrating a limited extent of the legal system balancing the rights of victims
Wouldn't Gundy be the suspect here rather than the victim?

Similarly, the Farah Jama (2008) case
Note that this is a Victorian case. Try to utilise cases within NSW's court jurisdiciton

In 2008, a man was wrongfully convicted of a crime for 6 years because of a DNA mix up
This sentence could flow better. Is this man the same man from the Farah Jama case? If so, just say "Jama was wrongly convicted". "DNA mix up" is also a bit informal, something like "due to DNA contamination" might be better

therefore, demonstrating a limited extent of the legal system balancing the rights of victims
Again, wouldn't Jama be the suspect rather than the victim? I guess in some ways, he is a victim of the police's mishandling of their evidence, but within the framework of this question, both people would be categorised as suspects instead.


Overall, I think you have the groundworks for a good essay, but you should probably tweak around how your arguments are presented by including more LCMD for each point (e.g. you could incorporate media articles about Gundy's murder in that paragraph, and case law for your second paragraph). Some sentences could also be more concise and phrased better. Try reading them out aloud and seeing which parts don't make sense or are a bit confusing.

You should also perhaps broaden the scope of your arguments; the criminal investigation process also contains bail and remand, detention and interrogation, police powers, that could be beneficial to include in your essay. Doing more practice essays will definitely help you improve, but also seek feedback from your legal teacher. They will ultimately be the ones marking your essays for your assessments so they can provide more personalised feedback.

Hope this is useful!
 

nuvardex

Member
Joined
May 7, 2021
Messages
57
Gender
Male
HSC
2022
Wow, you're a legend. I just want to thank you for taking time out of your afternoon to write this feedback. I've changed some things up based off what you've said, and I'm getting some feedback from the teacher now. Thanks!
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top